Misty at Misty’s Laws did a post recently about weird search terms that lead readers to her blog. That inspired me to go down to my stats dungeon to find out how non-subscribed readers stumble into this little piece of heaven.
Fortunately, people aren’t getting here by searching on all kinds of weird, sexual fetish terms as so many other bloggers have reported. (That could read “unfortunately” if that is your criteria for a successful blog.)
Although I haven’t had any “platypus love – is it wrong?” kind of questions, I was interested to see proof of something I’d only casually noted before. A lot of people, using a variety of search terms, get directed to the same one of my posts. This accidentally popular post got the usual views and commentary when it was first posted. Ever since then, however, it has had a steady stream of readers each week.
This little offering is my 7th most popular post of all time, lagging only behind those that were Freshly Pressed.
Since the topic seems to be an ongoing issue for many, I am reposting it here. Let’s think of this along the lines of a public service offering instead of as proof that I have diddly-squat in the way of original ideas right now, shall we?
If You Don’t Post This On Your Facebook Page, It Means You Want Me To Die
You love me, you love me not. You love me…
I have a friend who uses Facebook almost exclusively for emotional blackmail.
When I say “friend”, I mean in the new Facebook sense. This is someone I barely remember from high school, and whose friend request I stupidly approved when I first signed up and didn’t know any better.
I used to think the most annoying thing about Facebook was the constant status updates from those who wanted gold, billy goats, or some other cyber crap because they were playing Farmville or Pioneer Trail games all day. Now I realize that the emotionally needy “friend” is much worse.
Almost every day, my friend’s status updates appear on my Home Page bearing a new friendship litmus test. She posted all the following in just one month:
· I need prayers so bad right now.!!!! Hope someone cares. If u are my friend click the like button & then re-post. If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my “Facebook Family” wherever u may be to kindly copy, paste and share this status for one hour to give a prayer of support to all those who have family problems, struggles and worries and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us for no-one is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!! I did it for a friend and you can too. Share some faith and love for those in need. Life works in strange ways.
· I cried when you passed away. I still cry today. Although I loved you dearly, I couldn’t make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best.
Keep this rose going for anyone in heaven that you’ve loved and lost – but never forgot
_____/)___/)______./¯”””/’)
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯\)¯¯\)¯¯¯’\_„„„,\)
Put this up as your status, most of you won’t – but respect to those that do…..to all our loved ones. Missing you especially during the holidays ahead.
· I don’t need an angel on my Christmas tree , I already have one in Heaven looking down on me! . . . . Put this as your status if there is someone in heaven you wish could be with you this Christmas. ♥
· I am not hot or gorgeous, I don’t have an amazing figure or a flat stomach. I’m far from being considered a model but I’m ME. I eat food, I have curves, I love my Pj’s, and I go without makeup. I’m random and crazy, I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I am who I am, you can love me or not (ask me if I care). I won’t change!! And if i love you, I do it with all my heart!! I make no apologies for the way I am. Ladies put this on your status if your proud of who you are…..HELL YEA
. This is the eye test. Look for the LOWER case ‘L’ and you will be kissed tomorrow! LLLLLLLLLl LLLLLLL. Now look for the ‘N’. This is really hard. MMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMM. Now find the mistake ABCDEFGHIJ KLNMOPQRSTUVWXYZ. Now wish for something you really want after the countdown! 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1, now close your eyes and make a wish *********. Now put this as your status and your wish will come true! you have 19 minutes. Or what you wished for will be the opposite
· I personally believe in Jesus Christ. A man on face book has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. The Bible says, “If you deny Me in front of your peers, I will deny you in front of my Father”. This is a simple test. If you love God and you are not afraid to show it, re-post this. I proudly did. Will you?
· Dear Santa, I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy. Friends are the fruit cake of life — some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet, but mix them together and they’re my friends. At Christmas you always hear people talking about what they want & bought. This is what I want: I want people who are sick with no cure to be able to be cured. I want children with no families to be adopted. I want people to never have to worry about food, shelter & heat. I want peace and love for everyone! Now, let’s see how many people re-post this….I have a feeling I am gonna see almost no re-posts. PLEASE prove me wrong
· Friendships are special… So lets start a friendship ring… If you are my friend, click the like button and then re-post… If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand
· Many people have passed away early! – When we look at the sky, we LOVE the idea that they look back at us. We remember them often, at night, when we look at the stars … a date … a song … somewhere … a smell … A memory of those who left us ..ALWAYS LOVED, deeply missed ..Post this as your status if you have someone keeping an eye on you from above….I know I do!♥
“Hope someone cares”, “if you are my friend”, “let’s see who reposts this”, “most of you won’t post this” – do we notice a common theme here? It’s emotional blackmail. The message is clear: if you don’t do as I say, you don’t care about me.
I have nothing against status updates that ask for prayers, or pass on inspiring messages. These can make me stop and think, and are often rather sweet. But how about if we agree to leave off the “pass it on or else” riders?
If everyone reading my blog would repost this to his or her blog and WordPress page, we could put an end to emotional blackmail on Facebook once and for all. If you don’t repost, I’ll know you want me to come down with a bad case of toenail fungus.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Behold the power of unfriending. Rid yourself of those scurrilous FB emotional blackmailers – unfriend them and be done with it! BTW, I recommend tea tree oil for that nasty toenail fungus 😀
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I’ve heard good things about tea tree oil as well.
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Where does one find one of these oily tea trees? Do you use their leaves or tap the sap?
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I know, I know, that’s what you said LAST year. Instead I picked up a bunch more friends and now her nonsense is buried under everybody ELSE’s inspiring message, joke of the day and vague status updates of doom. It’s all good!
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Well,, that IS a pretty groovy rose.
I’d stay and chat but I’ve only got about 16 minutes left to repost the eye test. By sheer coincidence, my wish was that you not get toenail fungus.
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Boy…you’re good.
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Deactivated my Facebook account a few years ago – don’t miss it at all – Obviously, it causes toe fungus, because I don’t have any….:>)
Me thinks Emotional Manipulation must have been necessary to our ancestors’ survival – – it would explain why so many are so good at it, both on- and off-line.
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It DOES seem to be a common enough pastime. Some people get in a lot of practice.
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Sure, I will do it. If I must, I must. But only if you can virtually send me three cows, two goats and a crop of cannabis.
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If those heifers get into the cannabis, you’ll have yourself a few gallons of “mellow milk”.
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Tee hee. And if you churn it into butter you’ll have “Mellow Yellow”.
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…or nutter butter
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Ewwwww. I think I have deleted everyone like that. Including one of my sisters-in-law. (That wasn’t a good idea, by the way. I don’t recommend it.)
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Oooh, bad move for family harmony, Miss Renee. Sometimes you gotta live with the annoying and just resign yourself to a lot of eyeball rolling, right?
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I have one relative like that and I quickly learned where the “block” button is. Now my news feed is happy and guilt-free (and cyber sheep-free too, btw).
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If you “block” do they get some sort of notice? Or can they just not see your page anymore?
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They don’t get a message. That’s the beauty of it. 🙂
You’re not “unfriending” them just blocking them from your newsfeed so you don’t have to endure those insufferable posts. If you want to restore them to your newsfeed at a later time you can do that too. It’s a win/win situation, if you ask me.
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You’re so right! I think everyone has one (or two, or three…) of those Facebook friends. When it’s someone who I don’t want to offend by un-friending them, I block their posts from appearing on my news feed as I suspect many people do.
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Block posts, you say? What is this fabulous technology of which you speak?
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It’s like those e-mail forwards: if you don’t pass this on to 45 more people in 45 minutes, bad luck will plague you FOREVER!! This is why I never check Facebook. Or my e-mail. Or the internet, for that matter. 🙂 Hope all is well with you, Peg!
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Better forget your snailmail box and the evening news for the same reason. I’ll drop a message in a bottle into the nearest river for you if anything truly important happens in the world, OK, Dana? (I’m good – how about you? Haven’t seen you in a while.)
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I’m fabulous now that I’m in sunny Arizona! (After months of rushing to get a billion things done before our holidays, we are now officially ON HOLIDAYS! Feels good to be far, far away from responsibilities.)
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http://www.healthyfeetstore.com/tineacide-toe-nail-fungus-treatment-shoe-spray.html?cmp=googleproducts&kw=tineacide-toe-nail-fungus-treatment-shoe-spray&Size=2%20fl%20oz%20%2859%20ml%29&gclid=CKWRrc69n7UCFe5xQgodW0kALQ
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The scary thing is, you didn’t even have to look that up, did you?
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Actually, whenever I have a problem I just call a tow truck (rim shot).
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Ugh. I guilt-like ten new charities or causes every time I log onto Facebook. Things get really awkward when I’m not paying attention and accidentally support totally conflicting things.
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Yeah, the mailman is going to be perplexed when you start getting literature from BOTH the Black Panthers and the Daughters Of The Confederacy.
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Funnily enough, my colleague and I at work were talking about this very thing today. There are also the ones that say things like ‘Share this photo if you have a daughter that you love’, implying that if you don’t share it, you don’t love your daughter! Well excuse me, I’m free to express how I feel about things in my own way and not in the way you dictate! (I’m talking to the facebook person and not you, in case that wasn’t clear!).
The other ones I hate are the cryptic fishing-for-sympathy status updates. “I can’t believe SOME people, I just want to die right now.” And then you get all the encouragers chipping in with “What’s up hun? Message me.” Bleurghhh!!!
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Oh, heck yeah on the status/sympathy things. Some of them are truly legitimate requests for prayers and good thoughts and that is GREAT. The ones that get my (cyber) goat are the vague, woe-is-me status updates that imply tragedy and turn out to be nothing but toenail fungus (see? See how I brought it all together there?)
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Ahahaha! This redoubles my gladness I am no longer on Facebook, where messages like these took up half my feed. I have a great deal of compassion in my heart, but it’s much more freely given when not subject to forcible extraction efforts.
I’m much, much happier reading you responding to these than reading the messages themselves. 🙂
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“not subject to forcible extraction efforts” SO eloquent and so true. Hear, hear!
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On behalf of the American Manicurists Association, I hope that everybody posts this everywhere …
Seriously, I automatically nix anyone who tries to guilt me into anything. Not. Gonna. Go. There. That could also be why I don’t do Facebook.
Well done, Peg. Of course you’re going straight to hell for doing it.
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…and my personal road to hell will be plastered with pictures of cute puppies and bald cancer-stricken children that I did NOT repost.
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There’s gonna be a fun group on that road, Peg. We will have a blast … maybe we can even have a bonfire!
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I’d take toenail fungus over what I’m dealing with right now in a New York minute. Hemorrhoid surgery recovery is hell. This is the most polite and gentle way I can tell you that I’m not going to reblog your post, Pegs. My butt hurts and I’m feeling cranky! 😐
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Oh my, Lorna! My sincere sympathies to you and your posterior. Ouch!
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Hey! That’s me up there. So, yeah . . . people have to definitely repost this. How else is anyone gonna know I exist. Thanks, Peg!
Oh, and I twatted, posted, myspaced and reddited this. Hope that works for you!
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I don’t even KNOW what reddited is – does that mean you went through the post with a red pencil and noted where I messed up? Er,…thanks?
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Isn’t Reddit a social media thing as well? I don’t know what it is, but I was just trying to think of a bunch of sites to reference. I would never edit your posts, Peg! They are perfect, just the way they are. Now, if you love me, you will share this comment with everyone you know, or you will die a horrible fiery death at the hands of an ugly epileptic monkey.
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Just another reason why I don’t “do” facebook. I actually seriously considered opening an account last week just to find out how my friend was doing in the wake of her husband’s death. Guess I’ll just have to learn about those things the old fashioned ways – call on the phone, send a card, go visit and/or email.
I promise to get something up about the kitchen remodel. It continues … and continues … and continues… one day we will be done with the project.
Thanks for the winning valentine’s card and pin. Got them yesterday and they look Mahvelous!:)
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I only check Facebook a couple of times a week, but it is a nice way to share pictures. Time to take the plunge, Tar, so I can see the (supposed) kitchen remodel.
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I love the way people have equated “reposting” with “prayer” or “support”. It’s getting crowded in the lair of the Slacktivist. There’s simply no way that cutting and pasting or clicking “like” should ever be construed as something other than the minimal effort it truly is. That being said, I’ve got to wrap this up so I can scroll back up to the bottom of the post and click “like” – it’s a different, more sincere “like” here on WordPress. I really really mean it. Take care of that foot fungus, or you’ll have Frito Toe Syndrome just in time for flip-flop season.
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“Slacktivist” Oh. My. Goodness. You so hit the nail on the head with that.
Listen up, people. Posting sad pictures of random bald children with cancer does NOTHING to cure cancer!
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Have to wade into the lovely waters again – –
After I left Facebook, there were quite a few out of my 31 friends who expressed sincere dismay (that low a number of friends means I actually saw them in person, too, hence the sureness on sincerity) that I was no longer there…
“But Tamrah, your links to your posts are what makes Facebook worth it! They are so much better than 1/2 the stuff on there…”
So I told them how to ‘follow’ via email – – I begged them to come join me in WordPress world, where, to my way of thinking, all the fungus-free, pretty, smart people are…. :>)
Not one followed – not one had time to read a 400 word post (time to read forty 10-word “Hi – I’m on the freeway now – facebooking while driving” posts….
Harumph – – don’t miss ’em at all – –
I really like all you funny smart folks! Thanks to all! You really made me smile and LOL this afternoon – –
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Exactly! I rarely talk about “WordPress life” to “real world life” people – they glaze over and clearly have no interest in coming over here. Ah well, we don’t need them, do we?
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Sure do wish there were ‘stars’ or like buttons for comments – I’ve added “Slackavist” to my ‘favorite words’ list….
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I think there is a way to do that – I just haven’t figured it out yet.
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I tend to ignore those annoying posts and will hide them along with those even more annoying game updates! I have been on FB since 2006 and still have fewer than 100 friends. It is a great way to reconnect with old friends from college and high school, and to keep up with my grandkids, who are growing up very fast. (Although they do text Grandma once in a while, too!) I keep separate lists of people – close friends, friends, family, acquaintances, etc. – so I can control who sees what.
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Wow – you’re my idol! I didn’t even know you could do that. I, too, have less than 100 friends and use it to see pictures and see what my kids and neices and nephews are up to.
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I have friends that forward everything like this. My e-mail is always packed with junk that I have to wade through to find the important stuff. Senate Bill # 632A278463B subsection 6 might state that painting your cat’s claws purple is illegal on the fifth Tuesday in February, but they are not going to get me to forward that message to everyone in my address book and to cut and paste their letter of objection and e-mail it to the US Senate. I sympathize, honestly. The freedom of American kitties should not be restricted in this way, and on February 33, 2013, I will be painting Grenny’s claws metal flake purple in protest, but the cute kitten at the top of the page and the words “If you love your pet…” are not going to guilt me into forwarding. For me the words “Forward, Forward” bring on the irresistible urge to press “Delete, Delete.”
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Right on! You stand up and don’t give in to that blackmail! Don’t let it bother you that your apathy will cause all cats in this great country to lose their claws.
By the way, I somehow missed Senate Bill # 632A278463B. Must have gotten lost somehow among all the junk.
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Nah, I wouldn’t wish a case of toenail fungus on anyone. I used to share some of those cries for sharing, but now, I just keep scrolling…
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It’s hard NOT to do it. You feel like a bad person but, if I do it I feel manipulated. Scroll on, scroll on…
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Pingback: If You Don’t Repost This, It Still Means You Want Me To Die « Cape Town Proofreader
Oh man, I remember this post. I’m not surprised it gets a lot of search engine hits!
I died a little reading those status updates again. Everyone should probably post a prayer for me on their FB walls.
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I’ll get right on posting a prayer for you…right after I milk my cyber-goats.
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My favorites are the ones that are “Pray for XXX soldiers who from YYY company, deployed…..”
Most of these are BS. They go on and on, telling you then to pass it on or you aren’t a patriot and and good American. I love these. I go look up the information and post the truth. It always makes the poster livid, they then call me names and de-friend me. Works every single time.
As for the rest. I ignore them, or if it gets to bad de-friend them.
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You go and slap a little truth on a patriotic, love-fest? What kind of commie-pinko are you???
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I know right…but they annoy me.
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‘Like’
Also… does this mean you were F.P’d SIX times, Peg?!
I mean, you obviously deserve each one… I’m just checking my math more than anything here.
🙂
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I think I WOULD like the “like” option for comments, but that is only available with certain WordPRess themes, right?
Yes, I have been fortunate enough to get FPd 6 times, SIG. Your math skills are awesome! Which is why I try to bite my tongue when I’m tempted to complain because it has been many, many months since the last one, and my favorite post of all times was overlooked. I know, I know – I’ll shut up.
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Hmm… that’s a good question… maybe so!
WOW! That’s AWESOME, Peg! (I’m beginning to suspect / fear ‘content plays a role in this mysterious F.P. business… hmm… hmm…)
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I’m a very reverse-psychologically wired, so whatever I’m being asked to forward or share, I automatically don’t. (There is apparently a word for it, “reactance”, which my spell-check, in a bit of reactance of it’s own, refuses to recognize.) I just hope you are also reverse-psychologically wired too and won’t get the toe fungus.
Actually, I have an easy way to test to test your reactance level: here is a link to my own recent post on Facebook etiquette. You definitely should NOT click on it: http://armyofawesomepeople.com/2013/01/09/10-things-i-would-never-do-on-facebook-and-neither-should-you/
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“Platypus love” is that anything like “Penguin Lust”?
http://www.gocomics.com/bloomcounty/2012/10/09
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“toenail fungus”, that was unexpected 😀
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And very annoying, or so I hear. 😉
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If you keep posting this, I’ll keep liking it. And if you don’t, then I’ll know you don’t care, but that’s okay because not many do. 🙂
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