Tis the season…
My favorite classic rock radio station switched to an all-Christmas-music-format the day after Thanksgiving. They call it “The Sounds of The Season”. This annoys me for two reasons.
1) Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer instead of Another Brick In The Wall. Enough said.
2) Even if you happen to like Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer, that doesn’t really qualify as a “sound of the season”. Those sounds go more like this:
The merry tinkling, clinking and clanking of …empty bottles of cheap Moscato (your only relief from this hellacious season of torment), knocking together as you lug a Hefty-bag full of them to the curb.
Children’s voices raised in…howling tantrum as they kick the floor at Wal-Mart after being told: no, you will NOT buy them the Barbies and Pokemons clutched in their sweaty little hands.
A group of neighbors gathered together ‘round your front door to share the message…that your Griswold-like, over-the-top light display blew the transformers for the entire block, AGAIN.
The cheery, hearty holiday greetings of…your newspaper and mail deliverers as they hand-deliver Christmas cards preprinted with their names. This after both had snarlingly tossed their deliveries in the mud puddle in your driveway for the entire year.
The rat-a-tat-tat of the Little Drummer Boy…who took up permanent residence in your skull after last night’s office Christmas party, details of which are still pretty hazy.
The familiar strains of a beloved, old Christmas carol…now ruined forever for you by the off-tempo, multi-trilled, self-indulgent cover released by the pop-star du jour, who felt compelled to “make this classic song her own”.
HER song is what is played on the formerly classic rock station every 20 minutes, around the clock, from Thanksgiving until Christmas Day is over. This, instead of Bing Crosby.
Then, at exactly 12:01 am you can at last enjoy the sounds of the season. That’s when the radio station takes the tarted-up Christmas carols off their playlist and puts on Another Brick In The Wall.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
This morning on the drive in to work, I heard Taylor Swift’s latest rendition of a classic xmas song. I don’t remember what it was because she made it virtually unrecognizable by “making it her own.” I want to shove heart hands down her warbly, serial dating throat.
Apparently, ‘Tis the Season for misplaced rage as well, huh?
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I just got back from a lunchtime shopping trip to the mall, where I sprayed on Taylor Swift’s perfume. Tell me that song – now that I smell like her, I’m gonna sound like her, too.
And I don’t think your rage is misplaced.
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HAHAHAHA I love these two comments.
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🙂
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Yet another reason I haven’t turned on my radio in over 20 years. I’ve got CDs.
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Good plan. I keep thinking life holds more good music than my CDs can hold, but I may be wrong.
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Ah, a kindred spirit! I’m actually hoping that 12/21/2012 brings and end to something…and it’s exactly what you describe! 🙂
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Sorry, Lorna. That’s only the end of the world. For an end to bad Christmas music, you have to wait until 12/25.
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“tarted-up Christmas carols” – had me laughing until tears ran down my face. Timely post!
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Thanks. I turned the station in again on my lunch hour and it was Alvin & the Chipmunks Christmas Time is Hear Again. Part of me got nostalgic, and the rest of me wanted to barf.
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I love the Indigo Girls. They’re fabulous at what they do. But yesterday I heard them singing “O, Holy Night” or something and I had to change the station. It just wasn’t right.
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I’m with you. O, Holy Night, Away In A Manger…those songs should be sung straight, as written, and well. No tarting them up!
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Cusps to Mary Chapin Carpenter who made a Christmas album a few years ago with none of the old favorites. “Who really wants to hear somebody else sing their favs?” She wisely asked.
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I can’t tell you how relieved I am that cusp was a mistake. I was thinking it was some kind of new slang from the street. Yo, cusps to you, dude!
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Damn you, sell check!
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oh! you mean damn you, smell check, right? (I am soooo so very lame with my jokes today, sorry)
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That should say “cudos”. Damn you spell check
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Cudos AND cusps to her. Why the hell would spell check think you wanted to say “cusps”? Is that even a word? I mean, I know that “cusp” is a word – “on the cusp of..”. but plural? Huh?
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Bra inserts? You’d generally need two! Spell check on my iPhone is often blog worthy. I just wish it would get its own and stop commenting in MY name!
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Victoria’s Secret has a special 2-for-1 on Naughty Santa cusps running right now. For that special someone on your list.
I knew those smart phones were smart, but I didn’t know they were blogging now! Halleluia – no more hard work writing this drivel!
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Perhaps I can get mine to do the work I am supposed to be doing so I can devote myself to my blog and yours 24/7. Ho ho ho!
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I’m sensing a little holiday hostility (then again, it takes one to know one). I’m with you!
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I always have a little holiday hostility, even when it’s not the holiday. That way I keep Christmas in my heart all year long. The thing is, I absolutely love Christmas carols. I just want them to be good – is that too much to ask?
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Apparently, it is 😦
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Best post ever, I think. And another reason why I have an iPod, so I can avoid all that mess.
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I tried transferring my entire music collection from my computer to my new smart phone, but only every other song works. I keep getting this ear-splitting shriek in between. Which is kind of like some renditions of the holiday classics so…yeah.
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Love this post, although it’s not nearly as fun *hearing* the sounds you describe! We must listen to stations run by the same network, because I have not been listening to mine for the same reasons and duration! The only time I deviate is when Li’l D demands we check for Jingle Bells.
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I can definitely understand that. If I had Li’l D in the car with me, we’d be Jingle Belling all the time! Are you doing Christmas as well as Hanukkah this year?
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WILD applause from here. I’ve got my own collection of songs, and avoiding the stores. Looking for a little calm. Great job!
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Breath deeply, in through the nose, out through the mouth…in and out… and this too, shall pass.
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So I made the mistake of clicking on your link and listening to about 10 seconds of Christina Aguilera’s cover. After the first note was sung, I was done. How does she manage to take the sound “oh” and make it “oooohhhheh ahh ah ah-ha heh hehhhhhhaaaaa ooooohhhh oh”? I’ll take Nat King Cole over her any day.
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Don’t get me wrong – she really does have a beautiful voice. But enough with the “ooohhh ahh ah -ha he oahhhhhhh oh” already! Nat King Cole sang like butter. Just sayin’
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Bah-humbug, you old Scrooge!
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You got that right.
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Thank goodness for non-commercial radio stations! We have a community radio station here that I love! They play an eclectic bunch of music, and occasionally have played an offbeat Christmas song, but nothing like what you describe. Oh, and they stream on the web – their call sign is KXCI. No commercials, no DJs talking all the time (all the DJs are dedicated volunteers!)
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Thanks Ruth – I’ll look them up!
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On a different note–get it? Mark your calendar to hear Carrie Underwood play Maria Von Trapp for the 2013 holiday season on NBC…oy-vey. I may just be watching the Julie Andrews DVD when it airs. Haven’t heard who will be playing the captain.
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I get that it’s an homage to redo a movie, but when it’s done right the first time, do we really need a do-over?
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You mean Tenille wasn’t available??..
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You’re spot on of course. Looking for Christmas music at this time of the year is like looking for heat and humidity in the dead of summer.
I prefer really good Christmas music, which as rare as hen’s teeth. I’ll stick with the vintage blues.
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Funny, I’ve got LOTS of blues this Christmas, both vintage and modern. 🙂
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That’s the beauty of the blues – it’s always the right season for them. Also, my Dinah Washington disc is getting some serious play these days.
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Yes, give me the classics as I know them. Although, I must add, I do adore Mannheim Steamroller’s Christmas classics. Don’t know if they are still performing.
As for the new renditions? I could leave almost all of them. I’m with you, Peg!
One more day of school before break. And, not a moment too soon for most of us adults. Especially after last Friday’s massacre. I did NOT sleep well that weekend.
I should mention that we are under construction as of tomorrow. Yup! After a few days of thinking, calling and consultations, looks like we will be cleaning up the kitchen, replacing the counter top ((yeah!!!) and installing a vent hood over the oven. More later. I’m scared to find out what’s under those 60+ year old counter tops. Wish us luck!
As for holiday fare, give me It’s A Beautiful Life for the ultimate Christmas movie any day. 🙂
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Wha???? You’re getting started on the kitchen? Whoo hoo! Call and tell me all the details.
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I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I pretty much walk around with headphones and an iPod from November through Christmas. Been listening to TuPac, Kenny G, and Celtic Women and I am feeling downright festive (and oddly enough, a little gangster?)
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On you, a gangsta Christmas looks good!
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We have a local radio station that switches to an all Christmas music format too. However, they think the only Christmas music ever recorded is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” and “Jingle Bell Rock.” They play them over and over and over and over and over. Then, the songs get stuck in my head for hours! Ugh!
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Well, at least they’re giving you a choice, right?
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It’s bad enough that I am craving Led Zeppelin 🙂
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That’s never a bad thing.
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You don’t realize JUST HOW MANY terrible Christmas songs there are until they make that post-Thanksgiving switch. This year Thanksgiving was early, and it was even more atrocious. I seriously updated my car radio programming because TWO of my ‘regular’ stations made the switch.
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Me too, Jules! TWO of ’em. If I actually knew HOW to update my car radio programming, I’m sure I would have changed the buttons. But I figure this, too, shall pass.
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There’s a station on satellite radio that started after Halloween. I’ve reported them to the FCC.
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(shudder, shudder) Thanks for doing your part to keep the airways safe.
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I love Christmas music. Because I love to sing in the car. And I know all the words. How could I not know the words. I’ve heard “The Christmas Song” 70,000 times. This year alone.
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Don’t you get tired of the lame songs? Not the good ones, of course, like Eartha Kitt’s Santa Baby, but the ones that make you want to chew glass, like Madona’s Santa Baby?
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Floyd’s pink-ness is totally a tint of red… so… seems like it should work…
right?!
🙂
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“Another Brick In the Wall” is totally holiday. That brick could be wrapped up in sparkling paper, or decorated with lights. Is it totally Grinchy that I hate Christmas radio stations? They play five songs. Seriously. Five. One of them is Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” Another is George Michael’s “Last Christmas,” which makes me fly into a homicidal rage because it’s so damned overplayed for NO REASON AT ALL. I thought Pandora would be better, and it is, but I can only take so much Michael Buble’.
Nope. No radio- I stick to my chosen recordings on disc, thank you.
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I am not going to miss Grandma Got Run Over or Wonderful Christmastime. And definitely not Springsteen’s (and I do love you, Bruce) Santa Claus is coming to town.
You get to go to office holiday parties? Try working at a nonprofit. Santa don’t come to our town 😦
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Someone who shares the same rage as I when it comes to christmas music… dont replace the better stations make one on its own! We should start petitions….
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