The TV show Mad Men has been nominated for more Emmys than any other cable drama. Is it because of the steamy sex bits? The Peyton Place-like drama? Christina Hendrick’s impossible curves or Jon Hamm’s smoldering magnetism? Nah…it’s the chance to peek inside the glamorous world of advertising.
I consider myself somewhat of an expert on this topic because, as recently mentioned, I have now sold out to The Man with ads right here on this blog.
Is advertising about making money? Yes. But it’s not just about money. It’s also about helping people. It’s helping them realize how empty their lives have been without the whatsamajiggy you are pitching. Only after you have done whatever it takes and they have bought your whosit, only then can it be about the money. Lots and lots of money.
You learn this fundamental business truth on the first day of Advertising 101:
Nothing happens until somebody sells something.
After all, what is the real difference between Brand X Cola and battery acid? The quality of their ad campaigns. Without Madison Avenue there would be no Wall Street, Main Street or Sesame Street. Or Della Street.
Which brings me to my point.
Presented below is a product that needs a little help finding its niche in the market. Your job is to develop copy for a new ad campaign. Help the consumer see why they can’t live without this thingamabob. Convince us that this whatchamacallit is the greatest thing since sliced bread!
Your submission can be a slogan, a tag line, or a jingle – whatever fits in the comment box.
I’ll select the top 5 entrants, assuming there are more than 5. The final decision will be made by a panel of judges so distinguished, so clever, so discerning, witty and fresh there is only one word to describe them – y’all! (Ok, some may consider “y’all” to be a contraction of 2 words, but it’s not a real word anyway, so I say it’s one.)
The ad with the most votes will win….wait for it… the coveted Peg-o-Clio Award, the most prestigious honor the advertising world (somewhat narrowly defined as this blog) has to offer.
If this contest is the whiz-bang, slam-dunk, sure-fire hit I KNOW (pray) it will be, then this will be the first of a continuing series.
So slick on a fresh coat of Brylcreem, don your sharkskin suit, light up a Tareyton and give me your best pitch. You’ve got until next Friday, 7/27 at 12 (noon) US Central time.
p.s. It seems my posts are not showing up in the Reader of most who use that method to track blogs, although those who get email notifications still get me. (Sometimes I wonder if anyone really gets me…). So far no response from WordPress’ techno gods. Laura at Unlikely Expectations suggested editing the piece might kick it onto everyone’s list, so here’s hoping.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
You’re not even going to give us a hint as to what the bleep this thing might be??
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Lisa, Lisa, reality doesn’t matter in advertising. It’s all about perception. What do you want the suckers…er, buying public< to THINK it is?
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My thoughts exactly!
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I like the Peg-o-Clio Award. Sharp. Now, I’ll have to study your picture and try to find something witty and relevant to say about this watchamacallit. Back later…
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Commence with the ruminations.
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I’m thinking it may be time to contact the WP oracles and ask them to reinstate your subscribers email addresses ’cause I’m thinking people aren’t getting notified of your posts. Your regulars have even said that they aren’t getting notified. Hmmm…..worried face.
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I think you’re right. Only 40-some views so far today – I sent a flair up to the WP gods on the forums to see what’s going on.
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I’m still not getting them. Not in email. Not in blog reader. Not in spam. Not with green eggs and ham.
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You’re not alone – whole hordes of readers are lost in the Peg-less desert and I can’t figure out what else to do. Thanks for caring, it means a lot…Debbie. (go to Jules blog for a discussion of your new nickname).
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Thanks for the nickname — so glad you didn’t go with Shrew or Polonius. I have a regular reader named Debbie who’s probably going to be confused, especially when she sees my updated blog header!
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I’m having the same issues – not seeing my fav’s in reader or email and people not getting notifications of my posts. I’ve sent same flare, too. I also wrote a post telling people to re-follow. But then realized they probably wouldn’t see that post anyway. Argghhh!
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I know – I did the same dumb thing. Obviously if people are reading our plea to resubscribe they don’t NEED to resubscribe. Although I have had some people say that resubscribing didn’t even help.
I’m at my wits end about what to do about this, and no response from WP.
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I’m not getting them, either, Peg. Big boo-hooo-hooooo! 😦
And a HUGE alligator tear.
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🙂
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Well obviously this it the newest offering from Apple . . . the iEnlightener.
Have you been sitting in front of your iPad or iMac all day?
Have your thoughts and vision become fuzzy from staring at that screen for hours on end?
Have you run out of witty and brilliant things to say on all of those thousands of blogs you peruse daily?
Well, you need an iEnlightener!
It will connect your brain to millions of micro-neurotransmitters that will refresh and brighten your noggin, and fill it with new and interesting notions, which you will then translate to the most wonderfully poignant/hilarious/conversation starting content on the entire internet.
The patented* technology shoots both sunbeams AND moonbeams straight from this machine, directly through your aural cavities and into your brain. It refreshens and lightens those tired and worn down cliched thoughts that have settled there. It will immediately remove all forms of communication involving such phrases as: “Good one!” “Hahahahaha” “Nice post” and the always dreaded “follow my blog at ____________.” Instead, you will be able to form the most spectacular of all sentiments, immediately making all others who read your words either fall madly and deeply in love with you or click over to your blog and follow you for the rest of your days of blogging . . . or both!
With this kind of one of a kind technology, you might think this item would sell for thousands of dollars . . . well you’d be right!! But what kind of price tag can you put on this type of service? Your life will be empty without it. You NEED to have one of these wonderful machines at your service. Don’t be the last one to be iEnlightened!! Get yours now.
*Patent pending.
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Note: this is apparently what I am doing today in lieu of actual work. When I get fired, Peg, I will expect you to pay all of my bills to keep me in the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed! :p
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No worries – it’s obvious you have a future in advertising.
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Hell, I’d buy it! You sold me, Misty!
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Brilliant! Where do I go to buy one?
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Amen! Misty, this is iMazing.
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I love a contest. But this means I might have to use my brain. I am all tapped out at the moment. I’ll be back though…
By the way, I didn’t get one of your posts in my reader this week. Your posts are usually missing from my reader. I will try subscribing yet again to see if it works.
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I just emailed you about this problem. I don’t think any notices are going out. I’m throwing a party and nobody is showing up!
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We all suffer with lingering guests. You know – that neighbor who you invited over for an afternoon cup of coffee. Now it’s 9:00pm and she’s still there, telling you about her son’s bathroom habits. Her son’s 28, by the way.
Have we got the solution for you: Introducing the new Linger-No-More X3000.1.1!
Just pop one of these brightly lit suckers on your ears and tell those lingerers that you have to receive messages from your home planet. Linda from the book club will be out of there in no time! The possibilities are endless. The Linger-No-More X3000.1.1 scares away most common nuisances, including:
– traveling vacuum salespeople
-mother-in-laws
-random dogs crapping in your yard
-kids selling school fundraisers
-and many more!
If you call in the next 20 minutes, you can have your very own Linger-No-More X3000.1.1 for the low, low price of only 3 easy payments of $49.99! But wait – if you call right now, we’ll throw in a special bonus: a costume covered in blinking lights intended for use in conjunction with the Linger-No-More X3000.1.1.
Don’t wait – there’s someone knocking right now!
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I want this! I need this! If I act right now will you throw in a free cap-snaffler?
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Sorry. Cap-snafflers are an additional $2.99. If you sign up for a Linger-No-More credit card, though, it’s free!
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Feeling hopeless about the future? Has climate change got you down? Are the kids on the local playground making more sense to you than any of those boneheaded politicians? Are you tired of thinking for yourself? Or forming opinions?
Have no fear: NoMo’Me is here! It’s time to give that ol’ noggin of yours a much-needed vacation! That’s right, just connect NoMo’Me’s handy-dandy plug straight into your hippocampus and soon enough you’ll never have to form an original thought again!
Here is a sampling of what NoMo’Me can do for your mind:
[man speaking in a robotic voice]
I love the Kardashan’s. They are awesomesauce.
I don’t care about the future of our healthcare.
The planet is actually cooling down not heating up.
This Big Mac is good for me.
See? For just 99.95 plus S/H your mind will be on permanent vacation! No more stress! No more worries! No more ‘you’! Let other do the thinking for you! Order now!
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It’s a bargain at twice the price. Where do I go to get me one?
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I think a few of my Facebook “friends” are using this device.
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Pretty sure I meant to make that a reply to Darla and forgot to click “reply” first. D’oh.
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I’d move it around for you, but I’m kinda clueless about such things.
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You know what’s sad? I think I actually know what it is – -it’s a DJ set up for a party with everything strung up with lights (Light rock????) Not feeling imaginative today, just fundamental.
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With such fact-based observational skills, I’m never going to make it in the inspiration-based world of advertising, am I????
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I was gonna say “Hey, good one there, Bill. Ha ha. Boy, howdy, I’m wiping tears away you so funny.”
Buzz-kill.
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Oooooh! What a great idea for a contest, Peg! Lemme think on it. My mind was disabled after my week of brain fry.
What the hell is that thing???
Can I admit that I was really bummed that this wasn’t a post about Whatchamacallit candy bar, 1983-Angie’s favorite candy bar? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whatchamacallit_(candy)
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Maybe it’s a way to manufacture a Whatchamacallit candy bar with thought waves. Hmm? Hmm? I bet 1983-Angie would like that.
You know, when you talk about 1982-Angie, 1987-Angie, etc I always get the slightly uneasy feeling that I’m talking to Time Travel Sybil.
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Yes, I don’t actually believe that any of my 1980s-Angies are really a part of me but instead are completely separate identities. That’s how I can avoid owning up to my past war crimes.
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Run your christmas lights with only your brain. Yes it’s true. Now when people call you a bright person, you can actually prove it.
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Ingeneous!
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I think you mean it’s an enlightening idea, yes?
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Are you tired of your hum-drum appearance? Do you wish you looked like someone else? Maybe a washed up pop-icon from the 80’s? Well, the Ronkk-o Has-Been-Ator is the right product for you! For just minutes a day and only pennies a minute, you can look like 80’s rocker John Oates of Hall and Oates! Simply wear our patented Supra-light Supra-comfortable headphones daily for a few minutes, and before long, people will be asking you who you are and wondering if they should ask you for your autograph, whether they recognize you or not!!
The secret is our patented Glo-Morph technology. Each glowing light works extra hard to change your appearance and make you into the has-been celebrity worthy of an opening act at state fairs all across the country!!
If you order now, you can have your very own Has-Been-Ator for seventeen easy payments of $29.95, plus shipping and handling.
But Wait!!! That’s not all!! If you order now, we’ll include a second Has-Been-Ator absolutely free!!
Also available in Mr. T, Bronson Pinchot, Dawn Wells, or the soon to be released, Lindsay Lohan!
ORDER NOW!!!
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Wait a minute…who says Dawn Wells is a has-been?
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I met her once…she’s not even a has-been, she’s a once-was…funny story about meeting her, so I guess it’ll merit a blog post sometime.
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I’m interested – tell that story! Even brushes with once-was, almost-has-beens are a thrill to someone with my humdrum life.
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It was really pretty funny…my then girlfriend and I met Dawn Wells and another celebrity who had been one of her childhood crushes. Neither one had aged all that well….but…I’ll elaborate until it’s 1200 words, then I’ll post it and few will read it because it’s just too long.
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Policemen and women, esteemed law enforcement professionals, are you tired of the same old boring lie detectors? Black and white squiggly lines got you thinking, “Yawn”? Well, your prayers have been answered! Say hello to the I Spy With My Little Lie Detector! It talks, it glows, it’ll even pay compliments to the wearer to distract them into telling the truth! Feeling a little frisky? The I Spy With My Little Lie Detector will turn the tables on the wearer! Yes, that’s right, it’ll spit out a FALSE reading – just for giggles!
Don’t miss out on our two for one special! Buy one, get the second half off! …That may be a lie. There’s only one way to find out! Call 1-800-SPY-A-LIE NOW!
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I see what you did with the name there – clever play on words, Miss Jules!
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Have you ever thought about what fun you could have if you were invisible? Well now you can be with this – “The Emperor’s New Invisiblator”. Believe it or not, that lighted device is actually connected to man! Only complete fools can still see the man, but to everyone else he is invisible. Just plug yourself in, let the power of the lights surge through you, and within seconds you will be completely invisible. What fun will you have? Where will you go? Who will you spy on? When you want to return to normal, simply plug yourself back in, reverse the light surge polarity, and pow! You’ll be right back to yourself again. “The Emperor’s New Invisiblator”, don’t be a fool, order it today.
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I’ve always wanted to be invisible – thank goodness modern marketing has finally solved my dilemma!
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My pleasure 🙂
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I don’t know what it is… or what does, but… drop another ‘o’ in that ‘thingamabob’ name and it will sell. I don’t like it either, but somebody had to point it out.
Now if you’ll excuse me, my work is clearly done here. I’m off to have a have a few smokes / drinks, slap Pete Campbell in the face and take a nap.
🙂
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Also I watched the entirety of the ad I got in this post, Peg…
It had a MORGAN FREEMAN voice-over… NICE! Even classes up my previous comment a bit just by association!
🙂
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So cynical…and yet so right. In fact, if I put the “thingamaboob” on this blog, who knows what kind of interesting Google searches I’ll get from here on out!
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Tired of taking tests or winning trivia games to prove your intelligence? Now you can show everyone how smart you are without saying a word! Introducing Light Bright. Light Bright’s smart design works instantly to show everyone around you that you’re the brightest bulb in the set. Just pop on the headphones and *think the answers to the MENSA level questions you’ll hear. From your first correct thought, Light Bright glows to show your synapses are firing! Great for parties… fantastic for family gatherings… hours of smugness on major holidays! It’s simple. You’re not! Light Bright. Now available at finer retailers and online merchandisers nationwide. Light Bright. Intelligence is a turn-on!
*NotaffiliatedwithLite-Britethetoyfromthe1970s.
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How about a secret code to get the lights lit for those of us afraid we may not quite have what it takes? For a modest additional cost, of course.
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Getting ready for that long awaited trip? Got that suitcase packed so tight you can’t close it? Tired of sitting on it while you try to snap it shut? Well don’t worry your little bum anymore! With “The Slammer”, our new, improved digitized suitcase closer, you can pack your overworked Samsonite like an old fashioned steamer trunk just by wishing it. Simply place the device on the top of the still-open suitcase (see picture) and attach the other end to your head. Now imagine it closed and watch it light up and slam that sucker shut!
Would you believe the suitcase in the picture has everything a normal person would take on a two-week trip, plus a baby grand piano? The slammer closed it in seconds with just a simple thought wave from this average citizen who was selected at random.
But wait, if you’re one of the first 100 to order, we’ll include a 7-day, all-expense paid vacation to Fantasy Island. And with the handy “Slammer”, you won’t have to worry about missing de plane.
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Can I get a smaller model for my purse?
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This has to be India
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How did you know?
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Because I am from India !!
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Thanks for adding the note about the Reader because I’m not getting you, although I get you. I’ve been having trouble with the Reader on an off, but I figure it’s because Mercury is retrograde, which I am apparently going to have to re-explain, thereby helping me with a dry spell in writing, so thanks!!
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Yes, please do explain. And then hustle back and put in an entry for this-here contest. C’mon, time’s a-wasten!
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Oh no! Your car broke down on the corner of Not Lookin’ So Safe Street. And you forgot your cell phone! What’s a girl to do? Put on your CrazyTownGloBoots. Just flip the tiny unobtrusive switch to activate the whirling lights. Put the headphones over your ears, and you’ll be gently instructed on how to get out of that mess! Learn handy phrases to repeat:
What the hell is wrong with eating toothpaste ?
Why do I smell like urine?
When will my spaceship come?
Are you my donkey?
You’ll also be instructed on how to act insane.
Hit yourself.
Itch your armpits excessively.
Scratch your hair.
Stop walking and turn around sharply to see people and things that aren’t there.
Swear and mumble.
Combine these actions with the dialogue and you’ve got it. Because everyone knows: No one will bother you if you are acting all crazy. But they’ll really stay away if you are acting all crazy in your CrazyTownGloBoots (Patent pending. Do not wear in water.)
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This is SO going to come in handy when I’m down in the hood scoring some.., er, I mean when my car breaks down.
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Acting crazy in a bad part of town is something I learned when I lived in New Orleans. Even mother effers don’t want to mess with crazy. 😉
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In some cultures crazy effers are revered as having special mental powers. Those are the same cultures that think “4 weeks without a bath” is the scent of love.
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It is true that some cultures revere those that we refer to as the mentally ill. I’m pretty sure those cultures do not have access to automatic weapons. If they did, some body would be dead on account of that scent of love.
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URGENT MESSAGE!
Have you or a loved one been injured by the SighPod ECD?
If you or a loved one were implanted with The SighPod ECD as a treatment for loneliness, and were injured, you may be eligible for compensation.
The SighPod ECD may have been implanted in you as a treatment for
* Obesity
* Bad Breath
* A Negative Personality
* Erectile Dysfunction
* Ugliness
* Bad Table Manners
* Smelly Feet
The Government has recently issued a Recall of The SighPod ECD due to failure of the Electronic Companion Device. If your Electronic Companion failed, and instead of providing you with loving support, a dinner companion and constant compliments, may have instead bombarded you with insults, drama, and even ignored your sexual needs, then YOU may be eligible for Financial Compensation! The FDA has issued a WARNING. SighPod ECD’s have been known to run up credit card debt, gamble away your life savings, destroy self esteem and cause depression.
The Manufacuturers of the Electronic Companion have known for years that their device has malfunctioned and been very mean to their victims, and even caused Depression, Low Self Esteem, Higher Bar Bills and Debt. $30 Billion Dollars has been set aside to settle all claims.
If a SighPod ECD has caused you or your loved one emotional injury, or even death, you may be eligible for Financial Compensation.
Contact the Law Firm of Peters, Johnsons and Wang. Call Now for a FREE Legal Consultation. Let us represent you and get YOU the MONEY YOU DESERVE!
Peters, Johnsons and Wang. We fight for you. Even if you are already dead.
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CALL NOW! Operators are standing by. 1-800-GET-EVEN.
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Peters, Johnsons & Wang. LOVE. IT. I can almost hear that serious, shark-attack music in the background.
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Pingback: Summer Is Hot and So Are You – Issue #1 | Go Jules Go
You can be a Terminator
One who wears a fascinator!
R2D2
CSI
Lite-Brite 3D™
Makes it fly!
Think it! Dream it! You can be it!
Just add pegs and lights and see it!
For all ages
Oh so much fun!
Lite-Brite 3D™
Gotta have one!
(It’s a jingle. I don’t know how to make comments sing. . . yet.)
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I can practically hear it! Can there be background dancers too?
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Did you know that I can dance – and will – if I win one of your contests. I will.
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What kind of dance? I mean, if you’re talking waltz, I’m really not that interested.
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“It’s a Small World – Home Edition”
Ever want to feel like you’re in that super annoying Disneyland ride, “It’s a Small World?”
Now you can be.
With the console unit turned on, it will supply non-stop audio of that, ahem, great ditty, as well as the whole visual experience one would get right there at Disneyland.
For a much lower price: Only $51.95 and free shipping and handling.
Bonus single ear headphone attaches right to the head, like a wee tiny beret, with included clip for those with hair and without. And it stays attached to the console like that umbilical cord for the Borg on Star Trek, The Next Generation.
Super-Bonus: It doubles as a behavior-correcting time-out tool for those pesky youngsters.
Trust me, they’ll never act out again!!
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Wow, and I can see from your ad that the guy using it is really entranced by that, ahem, great ditty repeating in his ear over and over and over and…
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Research has shown that men think about sex six times a minute. Now with the De-Lust-inator, you can tame that wild man’s wild thoughts. Just place the headphone like device on your man’s head (yes, the one above his shoulders) and the wireless electronic “actuator” just a tad bit lower…and before you know it the De-Lust-inator starts working. Each time Hot Stuff thinks about “doing the deed” a light illuminates on the headset and each additional thought sends impulses to the console. Within seconds, Big Willie is no longer thinking about Little Willy but instead is balancing the checkbook, detailing your vehicle, and trimming the hedges. For the low, low price of four easy payments of just 49.99, you can have the freedom to shower, exercise, bend over to tie your shoe, sit down, stand up, turn around or just stand in the kitchen without unconsciously turning him on.
But wait. If you call in the next 30 minutes we’ll include the “Un-Sports-inator” pack. Drop this software in and then strap that baby on his bulbous cranium on a fall Saturday or Sunday and the man will refuse to watch football, golf, baseball, basketball, hockey, lacrosse, soccer, tennis, horse racing, Indy car time trials, bowling or earthworm races. Instead he’ll clean the garage then offer to drive you to the mall and hold your purse while you shop. Just pay separate handling charges.
But we’re not done yet…for just and additional 49.99 plus S & H, we’ll throw in the A-nor-exinator package. Slip this software in and the man will lose all interest in food. When offered a steak and egg breakfast, he’ decline – opting for a disgusting green juice concoction which he will prepare himself and clean up after. Pizza, corn nuts, Cheetos, hot wings and chips will go to waste as he nibbles celery sticks and baby carrots.
If not completely satisfied you may return your husband for a full refund.
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Jeez, SOMEbody has her mind in the lust-gutter for some reason. Wonder why? Where exactly is this “bulbous cranium” you’re talking about?
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Whatever do you mean?
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Whatever this is, it’s genius. I must have one. Now.
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