Peg-o-Leg inks a deal.
Big Business
Daddy Warbucks
Halliburton
Big Pharma
Wall Street
The Man
That Guy In The Monopoly Game
Everybody knows that big corporations are the soulless spawn of the devil. They’re capitalist leeches that hang out in the swamp, just waiting for the unwary consumer to come in for a dip. Then they get beneath the collective swim trunks of the buying public, attach themselves to their private parts and, well, what follows isn’t pretty.
That’s why it really stinks that we have to keep those corporations around if we want to keep getting the stuff they make. We really, really like some of that stuff. Damn them for that.
This is your brain on wieners…
They convince us that we want their stuff by driving the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile of advertising right smack-dab down the open highway of our stuff-loving brains.
How do I know so much about this topic? Because I’ve become a cog in the machine. I sold out to The Man.
About 2 weeks ago I was at my computer when – Pop! Bang! Beelzebub appeared right next to me. The Prince of Darkness said he could bring me riches beyond my wildest dreams. He unfurled a contract that scrolled on for miles – it was almost as long as the Healthcare bill, and just as crystal clear. Did I read it? Kinda. Sorta. Just like Congress. I grabbed the burning Bic Gel Pen of hellfire and put my Peg-o-leg on the dotted line in indelible ink. I sold my soul for a penny.
Yup. This blog is now nothing but a mind-numbing extension of the bourgeois, capitalistic advertising behemoth. This is evidenced by the video tucked at the end of this post. Right down at the bottom. See it there? It looks like it’s part of the post. Like a Walking Stick bug that hides in plain sight by remaining motionless on a tree branch. You don’t know it’s a bug so you don’t eat it (“you” being a bird in this example). In the same way the ad below blends in with the hilarious frivolity of my post, but it’s not really part of the fun. It’s a commercial.
I’m so ashamed.
Except THESE commercials are different. WordAds only feature kinder, gentler companies. Companies who sell green products that are good for elderly members of minorities. And they only sell things you really need at reasonable prices. None of their promises are inflated to get you to part with your money – heck no, not them.
These companies would never hurt puppies or kitties. And they are kind to orphans. Especially orphaned kitties and puppies…with big eyes.
Please love me.
Did I mention that WordPress (The Pimp for The Man) will give me a shiny, new penny every time somebody clicks on these commercials? Or maybe not quite that much. I think I have to accumulate a couple of thousand clicks to get a penny. As I mentioned, the contract was about 3-weeks long and some parts were kind of hard to read (anybody know Sanskrit?) but this much I know: They WILL give me SOMETHING of a monetary-ish nature at SOME future date. That’s for sure.
This is Step One in my plan to become a Real Writer i.e., somebody who gets paid to write. Step Two involves having a major publishing house (or two) beg me to write a best seller for them.
I know you are a kind, generous person; a patriotic son or daughter of _____(insert name of your country here). If you will just click, view and enjoy these delightful, wholesome advertisements, Step One of the Real Writer Plan will be launched. Step Two can’t be far behind.
p.s. Does anybody know how to get those banner ads added to the top and side? I just KNOW I’m missing out on big $$ without them. I don’t know why WordPress didn’t give me those, too. There’s plenty of room on this page if I just type smaller.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
WordPress sticks those ads on blogs anyway – the only difference now is that they’ll share those fractional pennies with you instead of keeping them all to themselves. (On the other hand, if you do start raking in big bucks, you know, like $20/month, let me know so I can sell out too.)
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I don’t know if I’ll ever clear THAT much, but if I do, I’ll be sure this gravy train stops at your station too.
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If they think they can make money through you that means you are worth something.
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Say…you’re right! I must be a rising star. 😉
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definitely.
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If you wrote a book, I would read it in a hot second.
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Me, too!!
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Me, 3!
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Jeez, with 3 potential readers all lined up I should have no problem getting a lucrative book deal. Penguin, are you listening here?
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You now have a fourth, Peg!
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Whoo hoo! Big-time book deal, here I come!
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Thanks so much. All I need now is a great idea and a whole lot of discipline – no problem!
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Me, too. I’d just read it a day or two after Darla, Janu and FF.
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ok,Peg, I will click on your new salary compensation and help you get rich!
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Hey, I just checked the rules and it looks like you don’t have to click – just show up at my blog. So stop by at least 100 times per day, ok?
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yes, according to my research (I decided to sell out a long time ago) you don’t need someone to click on anything, just a simple ‘view’ will count. Good thing as there’s one thing I know for sure about people these days: they are lazy.
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So young, and yet so cynical, Darleeta. Sigh.
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Young?! You think I’m young? Oh, bless you!
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Ha ha! Your fellow sell-out agrees with the other commenters: I would buy and read your book before you even finished it.
I don’t know why you don’t have the ads on the top/side, though? Oh wait, I did read something about your layout/template impacting the placement of ads. That’s the only thing I can think of! I think the one thing to be wary of from the 3-mile long terms of service is that you can’t make money through any other means now from this blog, so if you DO get a better offer (e.g., to review products, etc.) you may want to opt out of WordAds! Which luckily you can do any time.
Also, for anyone else out there wondering – they won’t pay you until you make $100. I heard you get roughly $1 for every 1,000 hits to your blog. That’s actually quite good as far as this type of blog advertising goes, especially considering you don’t have to do anything but agree to their terms of service (and can opt out any time).
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This is why I haven’t bothered with ads yet. I figure it would take me 2 years to make any money.
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I’m coming to the conclusion that you may be right, Darla Clementine. Maybe my grandchildren will live to reap the fruits of my blogging labors. Maybe not.
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If WP would leave me on the front page for more than a couple of hours when I’m FPd, I’d have a shot at $1 let alone $100. And yes, I realize it is very unattractive to grumble about only being Freshly Pressed for 1 day but, for goodness sakes, everybody else I know is hanging around on the front page for days…weeks…months until their hits and subscriptions are giNORmous.
OK. Reading that back it is REALLY unattractive to be whining this way. But I’ll let it stand to make good on my new promise to keep it real with y’all; to let you see the real me, warts and all. Here I am. Very warty. Sorry.
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Nice try. I still like you. You’re stuck with us, I think.
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Yeah, what she said. The infernal heat may account for your grumpy-ness. Relief today I hope!!!
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Thanks. It’s even hotter today. I took the morning off work to paint the ceiling in my new screen porch and I thought I was going to end up in a puddle on the ground. Jezzum Crow!
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Amen, sistah!! Hallelujah! It’s not fair, I tells ya! I want to be up there for three days! Now JuJuBees are taking over the WP world. They’re forming one gigantic blog. Each one will have 3,000 subscribers before you know it. (grrr!)
I love you Jules and B-man! Really!!
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Yeah! Darljeeling speaks words of eternal truth, as always.
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You’re right about the newbies (or JuJuBees?) taking over the WP homepage. There were 3 on yesterday’s FP site, a few of whom didn’t really “get” what an honor it is. One of them was the blogger’s 1st post! A few weeks back, a two panel cartoon, also a new blogger, was FPd. Huh? I noticed it, too.
Now, what to do to save Peg’s fab blog from obscure-dom. Really, why won’t the people at WP do something, like re-load your subscribers into the system and CHECK that it works for say a test post you put out there. Sorry, I go on…
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JuJuBees are forces for good, since that’s the new, unbeatable combo of Go Jules Go and the Byronic Man. Are there a lot of newbies getting FP? You’re much better about checking those out than I am – good for you. 1st post? I can’t imagine! They probably thought “gee, people are so friendly here on WordPRess!”
I’m not sure what to do, Tar. I’ve written to the forums with no response. In fact, I can’t even find my original question anymore. I wrote a bunch of blog buddies and it seems those who get email notice are ok, most who get me in their Reader are not. In fact, I just noticed that I don’t show up in my own Reader anymore. I’m not the only one with this problem, but I’m kind of at a loss…
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My most recent FP wasn’t up very long — sadly, it didn’t seem to affect my WordAds earnings that month.
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If being FPd doesn’t rake in the dough I have NO chance of earning any kind of money. What about nudity? How would a nudie blog do, hmmm?
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I sense this is what we can do for our next WP takeover. Everyone strip down and kill off every last bit of dignity. That always sells.
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In my case it would sell…burkhas. People would be donating them to me right and left.
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I would get, “Why do you have a weird freckle patch there?” And then I’d get money sent to me to have it tattooed into a Rubik’s cube. Too much information. And totally kidding. Maybe. Well, the blogosphere will never know.
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Wait… wait a minute, Peg… what is… what is this ‘Freshly Pressed’ thing you speak of?! Hours you say?! Sounds like an ETERNITY to me! A sweet, sweet eternity!
Speaking of the ‘unpressed’ … please don’t forget about us, er, you know, ME when you strike it rich! I even clicked on your shiny ad, after-all. The thing was like 9 minutes long, though so I might not have watched the WHOLE thing. Although I made sure to watch both the beginning and the end (if that makes any difference). And if anyone is paying attention to me(and I’m fairly certain the first part of this comment proves they are not) I only watched what I watched because of Peg. So… you know… give her lots of money. And then convince her to let me live in her pool house. On the cheap.
🙂
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You’ve been FPd, haven’t you? An artist with your colossal talent? Must, MUST have been.
No pool house, but I just put on a screen porch, SIG. May get a tad chilly on those 20-below Illinois nights in January, but come on over!
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Thanks for keeping it real, Peg!
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I’m all about keeping it real. Oops – gotta run for my hair appointment – time for a root touch-up!
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Well let us know how the advertising revenue goes, and get on with that book lady!
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I should figure out a way to put an ad counter on the blog so everyone can see my progress. Hmmm…..
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If you want the big bucks, write for examiner.com. They pay a fraction of a penny per hit. I make tons of money through them, like $35-$50 a year that I spend on Power Pops. And they are good, solid, conservative Republicans, which makes the sellout even smarmier.
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$35-50 is better than a sharp stick in the eye, right? That will pay for 1/2 a pair of shoes for your cute toes, Renee.
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The two of you should head to Congress as budget consultants. You could have this cleaned up in no time. . . well. . .in as much time as it takes to click your page to make trillions of dollars. Then you could write your respective books on your time in Congress. That’s how it’s done.
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This is perfect! Because I already have almost all of the world’s problems solved, at least in my head, but nobody will listen to me. I might need a ghost writer though, cuz I’m kinda busy.
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PICK ME (or her)! PICK ME (or her)! PICK ME (or her)!
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I see great wealth in your future! 🙂
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Why, do you know the winning lottery numbers in advance? Care to share?
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Whew … thank goodness I don’t have to click on anything, since your ads are invisible on my view of your blog. I do hope you make oodles and oodles of mooolah, Peg-o-my-heart! 🙂
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…and that’s another thing. Apparently some spam blockers consider my one shot at getting a fortune as spam. Grumble, grumble…
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Where do I sign up? Just kidding, but I would love to make money from my writing, blogs or otherwise, Problem is, I’m too lazy to investigate more, or maybe I’m just pooped from working my paying job and the commute to and from said job; and taking care of the furry babies, and the partner, and the house, and the yard, etc. etc. I need to retire to have time for everything! 2 more years!
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Isn’t that the truth? Real life has a habit of intruding on fun interwebz life. Jeez.
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Ruth, are you me? And I, you? I am pretty sure I am pooped from working my paying job, the commute, furry baby, hubby, house, yard. Seriously. Pooped. And still broke.
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It’s the curse of the working class. Or is it the drinking class? I always get that messed up. Anyway, hope you have a relaxing weekend!
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Well, when you drink after work – the days just all run together now, don’t they. Or is that just me?
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Miss Katy, wanna meet in Lansing again this weekend? Whadaya say? This time at some place that has mile shakes with some Bacardi in them.
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Oh, I want to…but I blew all my travelin’ money on that last luxurious meet-up I did with you. Having a Wendy’s built just for you was kind of expensive…
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Forgot to say I love the graphics on your blogs!
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Thanks, Ruth!
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Perhaps, with your wit, you’d do better at freelancing. My local paper pays me about $65 for 500-600 words. More if I supply my own photos. It eventually worked into a newspaper job and a book. Or there are websites that use your informational articles. (How to make play-dough, make a friendship bracelet, make the perfect pie crust, etc.) There are sites like (Elance) which let you bid for-hire work. There are always ads on Elance, searching for someone to write 10-15 blogs. They only pay a penny or a half-cent a word, but if a person loves cranking out blogs, it’s easy income. As they say, all of this digital information that’s out there has to come from someone. Good luck with the man (or woman) or whoever is calling the advertising shots.
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Thanks for the info, Barb. I write a quarterly column for our local paper for $0. Yup, that’s just the kind of sap I am. I hoped to get a regular (paying) column this last fall, but no dice. I’ll check out those other options, except I’m not much of a how-to-er.
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Oh, I so want to google these local paper columns now — joy! I have a new afternoon project!
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This paper is such a dinosaur, the quarterly supplement that has me in it isn’t even online. I practically have to carve it out on stone tablets. But don’t worry, you’re not missing anything. I usually rework a blog post since nobody in real world knows about blog world.
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You mean like the kind of newspapers that are printed on paper in black and white and come in those little dispenser machines outside of Walgreens? The kind that is left rolled up on people’s doorsteps? They still have newspapers like that? GET OUT OF TOWN!
No, really. I love my daily newspaper. You’re famous if you’re appearing in one. And you didn’t even break the law. Amazing!
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Yes, that’s what I mean. My very own words, the sweat of my brain’s brow, are being used to line bird cages and swat misbehaving dogs in homes all across the length and breadth of the great 5-mile-square area I call home!
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We use our papers for home art projects. But, don’t worry, your columns wouldn’t be used for those projects — unless they included pictures of baby animals. Then you’d be screwed.
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Damn sell-out! I mean, unless you make lots of cash from this, because if that happens? Hey, Peg ole buddy ole pal! Were you in the market for a new best friend? 😀
Yeah, I’m not above selling out, either. I just haven’t figured out how to make the big bucks from this blogging thing yet. Maybe one day. Probably about the time I get Freshly Pressed. Sigh.
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I don’t foresee a great influx of cash from this, Misty. My stats are in the toilet, even with the FP last week. I really don’t understand it. Is it my breath? Should I lay off the onion and knockwurst sandwiches and invest in industrial strength Scope?
I was so seriously tempted to jump on the New York bandwagon with y’all in a few weeks, I even scoped out all the options. With the hotel it would have been over $1000 and I just can’t justify that kind of money. I’m so, so jealous of the fun you are going to have!
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I’m up for travel in the fall…I hear Darla invited the entire interwebz to her place for lobstah and beer…
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Count me in! I’ve never been to Maine, whattayasay?
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Let’s do it.
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Another poor soul falling prey to the evils of capitalism, aka Lucifer. Just remember though, you didn’t create this lucrative advertising business yourself. Somebody else did it for you.
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So true, Al. If your namesake, Al Gore, hadn’t invented the internet, where would any of us be?
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Wait, so all this money I’ve been sending you all this time was a sham?!
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I haven’t seen dime-one of that huge pile of cold, hard cash – curse the WP gods who no doubt sit outside my mailbox and intercept all the filthy lucre!
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Love this!!!
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Why, thanks!
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Oh, dear. I think it would take me about 35 years to make $10 through ads on my blog, so I’m better off sticking to Plan B: Freedom 95. 🙂 (Happy to hear in earlier comments that I don’t actually have to click on anything so you can get your fraction of a penny. I’d rather just hang around in the regular part of the post and the comments section, if that’s cool with you, Peg.)
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Yeah, I have a feeling it’s going to take me about the same amount of time, Dana. Ah well, at least I’m giving myself the illusion of forward movement.
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Fellow sell-out talking here. I’m halfway to getting paid and I haven’t been doing WordAds all that long (since late April). I think Jules is about ready for a fat check herself. But I have a feeling I shouldn’t quit my day job yet?
As for the small videos at the bottom of your blog — I had those too for a while. After I completed the WordAds application, those small videos at the bottom appeared on my blog for a month or two before the full banner ads came on. I’m not sure why — is it possible they’re throwing random test videos on there (a first step in the process) to feel out where your readers stand in product use? I have no idea but I’m certain your full-blown WordAds will be up and polluting the blogosphere in no time. Cheers to selling out!
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This is good to know – thanks, Angie. Is there a benefit to having the other ads – what they call the Triple Ad Unit? I can’t find that info anywhere in the WordAd documentation.
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I think all of the ads are in that triple ad format now. Up until a couple of weeks ago, the ads were only (1) banner and (2) small box at right. They added the one at the bottom only recently and notified us of this. I just noticed that bottom ad on Monday on my own blog. I sort of wonder if the earnings don’t start until the full-blown ads are put up (not to frustrate you). I really think those small video boxes are some kind of test thing since I’ve only ever seen them on blogs that are just beginning WordAds.
It’s all so mysterious…
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Nobody has offered me a contract to make zilllions by putting ads on my blogs. But friend, I clicked on the ads (didn’t read them) but hope you make big big bucks with the help of your friends,
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Thanks, Judith! It turns out you don’t have to click, just show up and read. But further delving into the fine print it looks like the very best of FP’d months will net me a cool $1. Sigh.
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