Gee, I could go for a little snack right about now.
There have been disturbing accounts in the news recently of people flipping out on a potent street drug. The most horrific of these stories was about a man who tried to eat another person while high. The drug of choice for these discriminating users? Bath salts.
This is most dangerous stuff to hit the bathtub since Glenn Close.
Before you start dumping all the bubble bath your kids gave you, be assured it is probably safe. The term bath salts refers to a relatively new street drug which is a concoction of dangerous chemicals. Because the individual chemicals aren’t illegal, pushers, er, I mean manufacturers, are able to sell this stuff in fine smoke and paraphernalia shops simply by calling the powder “bath salts” and labeling it “not for human consumption.”
For some time now, marketing gurus have realized they could hoodwink the buying public (known to ad-men as “those fools”) by giving something negative a new name. Witness the rise of Pre-owned Vehicle Emporiums where Used Car Lots once stood.
The practice has become so widespread, especially in the sales, marketing and political fields, that it has given rise to a whole, new language; Euphemish. This author just so happens to be the world’s foremost authority on Euphemish (and has the body of research to prove it.) Therefore, it is only fitting that I be the first to report the depths to which Euphemish has sunk.
Seeing the success that street drug makers have had simply by giving an unbelievably dangerous, psychotic drug an innocent-sounding name, manufacturers of other questionable substances are quickly following suit. They’re jumping on the Euphemish bandwagon in droves in the hopes they can increase sales while avoiding bad press or even outright bans on their products.
It won’t be long before we’ll see advertisements touting the following whitewashed wares:
- Daffodils (formerly called cigarettes)
- Baby formula (formerly called 190-proof Everclear)
- Rainbows & unicorns (formerly called heroin)
- Pixie dust (formerly called coke)
- Morning dew (formerly called Coke)
- Lima beans (formerly called Little Debbie Snack Cakes)
As with bath salts, manufacturers hope their wordy sleight-of-hand will distract the buying public from the one little drawback their products share: a tendency to make the habitual user dead.
Oops, I mean permanently horizontal.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
A drug by any name would smell as lethal. Alarming, for sure.
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Local municipalities keep drafting ordinances to keep this crap out of the smoke shops, but the makers just change the formula. Alarming is right.
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The sad thing is that we collectively choose to be stupid enough to play along. So really, Glenn Close was just an intensely loyal companion and that rabbit in the pot was being treated to an extended spa bath. Have I got that right?
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Exactly! You’ve got this down pat. Would you like a job editing the next Euphemish dictionary?
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Yes, I think that would be a fabulous career move for me. When do I start?
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Right away! Is it a problem that all I can afford to pay is personal satisfaction?
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Um, can I buy groceries or pay college tuition with this personal satisfaction stuff?
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Actually, I hated most vegetables that Mom tried to get me to eat –BUT I liked lima beans!!! I now understand why. Thanks, marketing gurus, a nation of junky eaters bows down in homage to you.
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I know you did. That was probably the only food I hated as a kid, but I had to gag them down every year on your birthday. Yuck!
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You could be on to something, especially with renaming veggies to sound like something chocolate and yummy! I could become vegan under those circumstances.
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I was thinking the same thing. Next time my husband pours me a tall glass of V8 juice, I’ll say, “why thanks for the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup shake” I’ll be healthier in no time!
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Me too! We’ll just rename everything we really like to something healthy and it will all be good. I just hope my fat cells are fooled as well.
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I’m glad I read your post… When I read consuming bath salts were the reason for all the craziness, I didn’t know ‘bath salts’ weren’t *literally* bath salts lol!
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It’s insane, isn’t it?
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My favorite Euphemish: “Job Creators”. Back in my day we called them “Filthy Rich”.
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Many people still call them that. Depends on which side of the fence you sit.
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The way I see it – Unless the CEO with the $10 million salary is putting that salary back into the company to grow the business, he isn’t creating jobs. And none of those filthy rich CEOs is giving his salary back. They are taking it home. That’s why they call it “take-home”.If they are investing in other companies through stock, it seems to be only in those companies that are downsizing or exporting their work force. The only jobs they are creating is to the poor sap who mows the lawn.
(I don’t usualy get on my soapbox…this topic brings out the worst in me.)
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Must say I disagree on this topic. I don’t have a problem with wealthy people getting even wealthier, as long as it’s done legally. I’d love to join their ranks someday. The CEO is probably not putting his $10 million salary in his mattress. He’s spending it on:
– cars
– houses
– vacations
– plastic surgery
– clothes
– tuition
– boats
– restaurants
– stocks and bonds
Since I’m an insurance agent, if my wealthier clients buy more toys, they also need more insurance. That definitely helps me out personally, as well as allowing me to keep paying my employees.
The more he spends his money, the more those industries need to hire workers to produce stuff. And, of course, the guy who mows the lawn also gets paid. 🙂
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On June 14, 2011 I was traveling in Thailand with my three college age children. I had started my blog as a result of the “struggles” we were having as a family traveling together and was blogging about a peaceful morning when I checked my email and was knocked up the side of my head by the tragic death of a dear friend’s 19 year old son.
It wasn’t “bath salts,” it was another synthetic “legal” drug called “potpourri.” He called his brother in a panic and explained he had smoked the “legal stuff,” then drove his car 80 -100 miles through town and into a house where he landed on a toddler’s bed (the child had been moved moments earlier). He was a sweet kid who thought he was smoking pot (which a huge percentage of 19 year olds do) legally. Here is the link to the Today Show segment with his mother: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/43751978#43751978
And a link to a segment on bath salts: http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/tuesday-dr-oz-show
And just in case you want to write your congressperson about these drugs (they are still legal in many states): http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/
I wrote to my representatives because I have a 19 year old son. Even the best and brightest kids tend to think if something is legal, it must be safe. These products are banned in many other countries! As a parent I hope we can come together and prevent other parents from the heartbreak of burying a child because their teen made a single error in judgment.
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This is so, so heartbreaking. My heart goes out to your friend and her family – I can’t imagine their pain.
As I understand it, many jurisdictions are trying to ban this stuff, but the makers keep changing the formula so the laws can’t hit the moving target. I don’t know what the answer it, but I hope they figure out how to ban it soon.
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P.S. I just got chills because Max’s 20th birthday is today http://tothemaximusblog.org/about/
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What a sad day for his family. This is just terribly sad.
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Morning dew is an excellent name for a drug. I don’t know if Daffodils sounds ‘hard’ enough for a taxi driver type to buy it from a corner shop
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Good point. Maybe Old Nails?
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Much better – “Oi. A pack of Hard Nails please and some Morning Dew!”
Yeah that’ll work
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Great post on the “softer meaning of unacceptable words and phrases” (euphemism is such an ugly word, don’t you think?)
P.S. Loved your response to NQO. In fact, I’ll probably use it as my own soon.
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Thanks Al. Why did your picture avatar disappear? Too many love-sick, female stalkers coming on to you?
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Ha ha! You know I heard of the bath salts thing, only I thought they meant ACTUAL bath salts were making people high! Thank you for enlightening me, and now putting me ahead of the game re: future Euphemish. Your closing line made me BURST out laughing!
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It’s a little tricky to go funny with such a serious subject because these drugs are so dangerous. Look at the terrible story Worrywart relayed. But funny is the lubrication (along with vodka) that helps the news go down just a little smoother.
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It is really unbelievable that things that people will do to make money illegally. And there are so many naive people – young and old alike – who just don’t know any better about what they’re really getting. Very tragic.
Thanks for letting us know about this, Peg.
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Kids are so impulsive. They don’t look at the long picture and they think they’re going to live forever. Sad stories.
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Yet another reason the good ol’ shower will TKO a bath in any street brawl.
Just saying.
🙂
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I’m with you – shower every time. Although some atmospheric pictures of bubbles or rain showers would be nice…now who do I know who could do something like that?
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These “legal” concoctions, both bath salts and potpourri, are VERY dangerous. We’ve had a few kids OD on it after smoking it at lunchtime and then coming back to school (not always the smartest cookies in the package). Others have said they use it because it doesn’t stay in the system as long as pot does, which matters if they are on probation.
Still, they are ingesting synthetic chemical toxins which can cause extreme paranoia and brain damage. We keep telling students NOT to do it because the results are sometimes deadly. Plus, when you go to the ER and they don’t know what you have ingested, unlike street drugs which they know what to do to help you, the antidote could be even more fatal than the chemicals themselves.
It is a very big problem and you’re right, they keep changing one of the components to dodge legislation banning it from sale. Scarey s**t.
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What a tragedy. Even if they go with good, old-fashioned pot, they don’t know what it may have been dusted with. I’m not eating, drinking or smoking anything that the FDA hasn’t approved first.
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…and let’s not even talk about the FDA…
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They make us a LITTLE safer, don’t they? Don’t they? Leave me some illusions here.
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I have been sitting here wavering about whether or not to leave a comment. It’s a topic that breaks my heart. It’s taken me 20 minutes to type that.
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Aw, I’m so sorry. I used to like to watch the show “Intervention”, but the people whose lives were so messed up by drugs was just too, too depressing. It’s a hell of a road to ever start down.
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It’s tragic that youth have so little to look forward to that they have to try all the lethal crap out there. How do you teach children to have hope – and to sustain it?
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That’s an excellent point. With a lot of kids, though, I suspect they start this stuff more out of curiosity and to go along with everyone else. I don’t think it ever occurs to them that bad things can happen to them, and then they’re hooked.
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I’m with Lori-Ann, have started to comment three times and deleted. This is just so sad. I appreciate your informative blog. At least you can make the bad news a bit entertaining.
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Thanks Patti. This is something every single community is struggling with. I bet if you went into a gas station or smoke shop and asked about this crap they’d know what you meant. Scary.
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Same story…different time period. When prophylactics (and all forms of contraception) became illegal in the U.S. ( Comstock Law, 1873) they were advertised as French Preventatives for good female hygiene. We’re a people with a strange sense of humor.
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No telling what they advertised opium, laudanum, and codeine as but they could be purchased over the counter.
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You did a post on the prophylactics, didn’t you? Funny the things a blogger is known for. 🙂 And you’re right about those hard core drugs being marketed as “mother’s little helper”, or routinely being given to children. Yikes!
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Nice post, but heavy comments. I have to admit, when i watch “Intervention” I like to do so with a glass in my hand.
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Sometimes it’s risky to go humorous on a serious subject. I was thinking about this – there are all sorts of jokes about death, but when somebody you love dies, it’s not funny at all. All a matter of perspective.
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True. Sometimes i just read the post and comment on it without regard to the other comments, which may make me appear callous or flip. Not my intent. I’m going to give up on this thread (no offense)…maybe go rank some “Envy” submissions!
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“Lima beans (formerly called Little Debbie Snack Cakes)” — Peg, you’ve outdone yourself again.
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I HATE lima beans, so I’m hoping this renaming technique will have me transferring that hate to artificially processed, chocolatey treats.
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Thanks for getting me in touch with my gangsta side this afternoon. Let me run out & get a “thug life” tattoo on my neck while high now.
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I’m sure that will be a good look for you.
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My friends were so busy focusing on zombie-like aspects of the recent news stories, I never got as far as looking into the drugs.
Yikes.
Reading this is well timed as just this morning I found myself increasingly enraged by the commercials I heard played. Many were using tactics such as those described here, except I didn’t have the Peg-O-Leg filter of Euphemish helping subvert my rage. I wish I could remember the particular commercials I heard this morning, but I just remember thinking, “How the heck can they use so many words to say nothing?” (Kinda like this comment?)
The one that most bugs me is Verizon’s “exact” commercial. WTF is exact about “most Verizon subscribers use less than 2G of data monthly”? Can you point to that exact in that statement? No, because it’s not there. EXACTLY no useful information was conveyed in that commercial, which I cannot hear again at the risk of . . . doing nothing nearly as extreme as those folks using the “bath salts” you’ve discussed here. But something defiant. Oh, yeah.
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This is a terrible and sad situation, Peg. I had no idea! When I hear about “the world today”, it makes me feel a) naive, b) sheltered, and c) committed to not having children of my own. So many ways to go astray these days! (Do I sound like a crotchety old lady yet? I swear, I think I’m 30 going on 84 years old sometimes. Kids!!)
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We learned about these synthetic pot products a few years ago, the last couple of months of my son’s high school. One of his friends had become psychotic on K2, one of them. My son ended up holding him down on a bed to keep him from hurting himself and/or others.
It’s bad stuff. But they all try it because it is “legal.” It is much stronger than the real stuff, and even the inventor, in a story I can’t find, said that “anybody who uses this stuff is crazy.” It can be and is laced with all sorts of stuff — cyanide included.
They really just need to legalize pot, regulate it and be done with it. This stuff is far riskier.
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I go back and forth on the idea of legalizing any drugs, but there has GOT to be a way to get rid of this crap.
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