That signature "burp" says you're freshly sealed for all eternity.
I read a lovely post about how “things” are not important in the final analysis. When we die, our stuff will go to people who probably won’t appreciate it like we do. If it’s worth anything, our heirs will sell it. If it’s not valuable, they’ll give it away or trash it. The post was thought provoking and spot-on about what is important in life.
It really ticked me off.
I can’t take it with me? Wanna bet? Just watch me.
I’m not taking any risks with my truly important belongings. That’s why I’ve pre-ordered the Eternally Fresh Doublewide model from Tupperware’s new coffin collection.
Here are just a few of the things that are coming with me:
- My collection of little, plastic Florida souvenir shoes from the 50s, which are covered in glitter and crushed seashells: in
- A small piece of lined notebook paper, its childish printing fading but still legible “Deer Mom, I love you, by Liz”, that is currently tucked deep down in the recesses of my wallet: in for sure
- The empty pill bottle (with child-proof cap) that Gwen gave me many years ago for Mother’s Day. She put a sticker that says “mom” on it and put 2 drops of perfume inside. You can no longer read what she wrote on the little piece of torn paper still stuck on the side, but I know it says “a good smell”. For years that’s what I got every time I opened it. I always carry it in my purse: in to the Doublewide it goes
Earn extra cash hosting Eternal Freshness Funeral parties!
- My Christmas sweatshirt, size 3X so there’s room in there for the whole family. It has a cracked, puffy, rubber Christmas tree on the front, and wrinkles so deeply engrained they will never come out. The attached mock-turtleneck used to be white, and is now a grayish-tan shade best described as greige. Christmas can’t come unless I’m wearing it: in
- A tiny, rose pink, felt doll coat, currently tucked in the bottom of my sock drawer. Santa brought this for my baby doll when I was a very little girl. It’s my only childhood possession to survive growing up with 8 brothers and sisters: in
- Love letters I sent to my then-future husband, Bill, when work commitments kept us lovebirds many miles apart. He returned them to me with usage and grammatical errors corrected in red pencil: in
- A small rock and what appears to be a piece of straw (formerly a daffodil), both souvenirs of my trip to Ireland with my sister Lib: toss them in.
These are just a few of my prized possessions, along with pictures and videos, and I’m not going anywhere without them. They’re going on The Final Trip with me unless I get some assurances that this stuff will be treated with reverence after I’m gone (and by that I mean affidavits written in blood and notarized by a supreme court justice.)
Come to think of it, what if the ancient Egyptians got it right, and we need to bring everything we’ll need into The Great Beyond? I’ll want more than this sentimental stuff. If any of you happen to be at my funeral, please toss in some bags of Reese’s peanut butter cups, my Pink Floyd, Yes and Emerson, Lake and Palmer CDs, and a couple of cases of cheap Muscato, ok?
Be sure to check out the post about Elizabeth Taylor that inspired this one, by Harper Faulkner at the “All Write” blog. He’s a gifted writer as well as a good sport.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
I would pay a million dollars for a post about those red-inked love letters. Bill sounds like he knows how to let a girl down easy 🙂
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I didn’t know whether to be mad at him for being an anal-English jerk, or intrigued by his playing hard-to-get. I went with the latter.
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I.Love.This.
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I know stuff isn’t really important. But…still…it kind of is.
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I completely agree with the idea of what I call “Grave Goods”. Someday, maybe 3000 years from now, a developer will stumble over my long forgotten grave, full of bones or ashes and harvest gold Tupperware containers full of stuff. She will call in an archaeologist who will say, “Now, isn’t this extremely odd!”
Yes, it is going to be fun deciding what to put into those containers!
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And she’ll make a fortune selling those antique, harvest gold containers at the U.N.’s Ebay Forum.
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I believe you’ve just revolutionized the funeral industry. Sign me up for an Eternal Freshness Funeral party and I want the bonus mummification too!
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If you host your own party, you’ll earn a fabulous Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh Triplelock Cannister Set!
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Priceless, every bit of it.
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Hey, that would make a good Mastercard commercial. “Silk-lined casket: $6,000. Blogging about it? Priceless.”
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When I read, “cracked, puffy…wrinkles so deeply ingrained,” I thought you were taking ME with you.
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Ha ha! No, but you’re welcome to come along. I believe all the ancient Egyptians brought “volunteers” to act as guards and servants in the afterlife.
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We’re going to have so much fun!
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I recently searched EBay and found a doll like the one that was my treasure at age five. It’s not the same doll, but I would like it anyway. I wish I had a little coat or some piece of that doll.
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I used to buy and sell dolls on Ebay, and I think most people bought them to have a little bit of a reminder of their childhood. Nothing wrong with that!
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I stand corrected! Taking it with you is the way to go! — Wait a second—my wife just chimed in. She said, when I go, she’s taking IT WITH HER!
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That part goes without saying.
Your blog was very inspiring, and not just in the goofy way I treated it here. Thanks!
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Where will we put all this stuff we are taking with us when we get to the place
we are going? Will there be storage units there?
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Hmmm. Good question. Maybe Tupperware should design asbestos-lined containers for those of us who are going south to a, shall we say, MUCH warmer climate.
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Genius! Instead of a hope chest, I’m starting a death chest so my survivors will know exactly where my casket-stuffers are!
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Death chest. Hahahahahaha!
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That’s great, Sandy. And casket-stuffers has a bit of a cheery, holiday ring to it!
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I’m taking my laptop. Think they have wifi?
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I bet they have even better, now that Steve Jobs has gone to work in The Great Beyond.
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That’s my first thought, too, Lenore! Oh, I am so taking my iPod…
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Hmm, I’ve always joked that they’ll have to carry me out of my home in a pine box, but now that I think about it a Harvest Gold Tupperware container would also do the job.
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And it’s so light weight and sturdy!
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Ireland remnants: I can’t believe customs let you through with your now-dried-up daffodil! I almost became a permanet citizen of Ireland because of my daffodil. And the rock? Could it be from our day along the seashore… “the sea, she’s a whorey be-otch!!” Or was it what I threw at you when you suggested, on our first day in the Motherland, that we go to Burger King for lunch??
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I think it’s the rock you chucked at me when I suggested Burger King. It’s a perfect fit to the permanent divot in my scalp.
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Just one word. Plastics.
(nice job on the photoshop)
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I DREAM of having Photoshop. All I have to work with the Paint program that came with this computer. That’s why my stuff looks so, er, charmingly amateur.
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I’m thrilled that I don’t have to go to a “party” to get my sarcophagus. Tupperware is now at the mall and the state fair. No more game-playing such a…Guess the Expiration Date of Lettuce. And no more arm-twisting to host the next party. Pegoleg, you’re brilliant. Hilarious post.
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Now, we’ll be playing party games like Guess When Barb’s Big Toe Will Fall Off. Fun for all!
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Oh! I’m in on this game! Barb…send pictures.
Great post, Peg. And you do very well with just the Paint program (which is all I have, too)
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“He returned them to me with usage and grammatical errors corrected in red pencil.” Being an English major myself, I think this is awesome. But if Kiefer sent me corrected letters, I think I’d be mad. Tough decision….
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To tell the truth, that was kind of my first response. But admiration for his cleverness won out.
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Ohhh…I’m trouble. My girls know nothing about burping…babies yes, tupperware, no. All my stuff will disintegrate.
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Hmmm. You may need to leave express instructions in your will that they put everything in a Ziplock bag first.
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Is there a piece of tupperware large enough to fit my entire house in?
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You’re in luck! The Party Pleaser Canape Keeper would probably fit just fine.
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Maybe when I go they’ll just torch the house with me in it… I don’t want to buried… the thought that some long haired hippy will could come along on 200 years and dig me up has put me off that. Didn’t Vikings torch their dead with their possessions in their boats?
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Yeah, that might be good except I think the Vikings also torched their old people. The really old, like, maybe 40.
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Gee, I thought I was the one to think of the joke about getting buried in Tupperware, but making sure to “burp” the coffin before the final burial…
Great post as usual! 🙂
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I imagine that joke is older than either of us, Lorna. Thanks!
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Brilliant! Still laughing at the “burp that says you’re freshly sealed for eternity”
“If any of you happen to be at my funeral, please toss in some bags of Reese’s peanut butter cups…” Oh, you know I will! Two for Peg, one for me…
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It wouldn’t be heaven without Reese’s. In case that’s where I’m going. If not, well…
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I’m glad I’m not the only one who saves that kind of stuff! My children joke about me saving “everything” (which I pretty much do!). I have boxes and boxes marked “Memories.” When I’m gone, they’ll probably pull up to the house with a big dumpster and get rid of it all…sigh…
I love that your husband-to-be corrected your English…sounds like my kind of guy…
Have a wonderful Christmas, Peggy!
Wendy
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Right back at you, Wendy!
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Where are they locating your pyramid? I’ll visit. I have no problem with the concept of taking some things with you. My family does it all the time… but the living determine what goes in. We buried my grandmother with a bottle of Asti, among other things. During the viewing, my cousin bumped the casket and the bottle clanked loudly down under the platform Grandmom was cranked up on. It was awesome. We buried my other grandmother with several items, including a box of Chiclets gum. It was our way of telling them that the little things would stick with us. If you want to do a sequel post, ask your kids and sisters what they would put in your casket. That would be interesting, too!
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I love the story of your clinking Grandmom’s casket! That’s really a great idea to ask others what THEY think is important to us. Hmmm.
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I often think about what will happen to my precious stuff when I kick it. Maybe we should just write it all our in our will, so the ‘living’ have no choice but to comply. If they refuse, your ‘estate’ goes to your favorite charity. But they still get to have all of your unpaid bills 😀
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The big and expensive things would be noticed, but the faded scrap of paper in my wallet, or the empty pill box in my purse – nobody would ever know how truly important those things are.
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Oh, fabulous! I agree – it’s all comin’ with me! And “Greige” – I LOVE IT.
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Aww… the empty pill bottle. I loved that one the most. Great list.
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Great ideas you’ve thrown out there, my friend!
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Gravestone idea: put a piece of masking tape on the lid with the date of “expiration” written on, much like Mom and Dad do with the leftovers from Olive Garden!
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Too funny! Great minds, eh? 🙂
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Exactly. I think we’re on to something.
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Don’t tell Tupperware…they will think it’s their idea!
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