When No-Shave November has gone too far
As another No-Shave November draws to a close, I hope everyone got as much out of it as I did. It was just one short year ago that I first learned of this important event…
My sister told me her 17 year-old son, Andy, looks like a scruffy lion these days. He says he is observing No-Shave November. I had to laugh, admiring his creativity. I mentioned this to my daughter, Gwen, and she said she is also observing No-Shave November. Apparently this is a bon-a-fide phenomenon.
Congress has wasted plenty of time on stuff like National Yo-yo Manufacturers Month. We should get them working on really meaningful observances, like the following:
Junk-the-Jumping-Jacks January: This is a natural progression after the holidays. All categories of exercise are included in the ban. If all skinny and buff people are forced to give up exercise for one month, the rest of us won’t look so bad by comparison.
Financial-Worry-Free February: A whole month without stressing about the almighty dollar. Credit card companies will have to give everyone a month, interest free, without bugging us about those lingering Christmas bills.
Mom’s-Movie March: Mom gets control of the remote, and can watch whatever she wants on TV. Some men will have to have their twitching right hands tied down to keep from grabbing the remote. Viewership on Lifetime and HGTV will skyrocket.
Amnesty April: Bank fees, traffic tickets; history. Didn’t pay your taxes? No worries! Even more important, you can return that 1-week overdue library book without risking the librarian’s mighty wrath.
Moratorium-On-the-Majors May: Remember when each sport had its own season? How about just one month without major league baseball?
Jewelry June: It has been 6 long months since Christmas, and a girl needs some bling. Husbands (and significant others) give gifts of jewelry to their special ladies every day this month. No man? No worries! Treat yourself – you deserve it!
Just-Undies July: This is not what you think, perverts. I mean no laundry duties for the month of July. Except underwear. There’s lazy, and then there’s gross.
All-Novel August: Everyone is encouraged to read as many thrillers, trashy romances and whodunits as possible, preferably stretched out on a hammock or beach towel. Textbooks, or any other literature designed to improve the mind, are strictly forbidden.
Sleep-In September: Sorry, boss. I’ll be rolling in around 11 every day during September. And I may not get out of bed at all on the weekend.
Only-Sweets October: We’ll have chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Children will be punished for leaving gummi bears on their plate, and anyone found sneaking vegetables is subject to a fine. We’ll end the month with Peptoctober. Those with really severe digestive problems may need Proctober.
No-Shave November: As already mentioned. I recommend women avoid going sleeveless, unless they can speak German.
Diet-Free December: Wait a minute. We already observe this tradition.
Let’s get Congress working on this task as soon as possible. That will distract them from messing up the country, at least for a little while. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go French-braid my underarm hair.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Is there a correlation between no-shave-month and NaNoWriMo?
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Of course – you’re too busy writing your next, great novel to bother with the Lady Norelco!
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I’m totally on board with All-Novel August, but I don’t think we should turn these important issues over to Congress. Let’s get a group of ambitious 4th graders to get it done instead.
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Good idea, except I don’t think they’d be that concerned about grownup issues like tax amnesty and no exercise. Do you really want Nintendo November?
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The funny thing about this, to me, is that it’s supposed to raise awareness of prostate cancer. I see no correlation… much like I see no correlation between one’s Facebook status about where one likes to drop one’s purse and awareness of breast cancer. No-Shave November just makes me aware that it’s gross when food gets trapped in facial hair. I say clean shaves and healthy prostates for all!
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I’ve got to admit I didn’t know no-shave November was to raise awareness of prostate cancer. Now I look like a big doofus for dissing a charity – dang!
I agree about the Facebook status – don’t get it at all.
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No, no, you don’t look like a doofus at all – in fact, you demonstrate the point! These things don’t accomplish what they’re supposed to accomplish and wind up just being random events no one understands! You’ve achieved great satire!
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I agree! I don’t understand lots of things about Facebook (and lots of other things in general)
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Here! Here! Where do I vote?
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Write your congressman about this important issue.
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Magnificent proposals here, Peg. I think a calendar is in order! To help keep us all reminded of our monthly obligations. I suspect the November ‘grow hair on yer face’ movement by men, to support prostrate cancer awareness, was begun in earnest, with the idea that only men can grow facial hair… here here! WHAT-SAY-YOU WE GATHER UP the female masses and prove them incorrect? I got one chin hair to contribute…anyone else out there? CAN WE DO THIS?
Say.. YEAH-UH!! (grunt, grunt, shrill cry into the nights darkness, fists pounding at the moon)
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OK, the fact that I AM now able to grow facial hair (thank you menopause) is just too, too depressing to contemplate. But I’m down with the grunting, shrill cry in the darkness part – sounds fun!
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Eh, all right. I’m game. I’ve got two.
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Oh, Peg, you left me with quite a visual there at the end! LOL! And for the first time in my life, I’m actually looking forward to January.
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P.S. – ACTUALLY, I really AM looking forward to January for the first time in my life. On January 7th I get to give Second Husband my “Why Polygamy is the Right Choice For You” presentation [going to see him on Broadway]! Sweet!
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LOL. Jules, that is funny 😉
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Keeping my fingers crossed that future husband #2 doesn’t take a restraining order out before you get to do your presentation. Can’t wait to hear how it turns out!
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Apparently, I am a summer girl – I am all over June through September…let’s do it.
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It’s the month lying in a hammock on a beach with a sack of trashy romances that is really calling to me. Where do I sign up for that life?
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My husband and I used to celebrate New Underwear Month in February. Just a reminder to replace the skid-marked and raggedy in one’s lingerie drawer.
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That’s funny. A couple of years ago on Valentines Day I was stumped because my hubby doesn’t care about flowers, chocolates etc, I knew he needed new underwear for all the above reasons, so I bought a couple of multi packs of briefs. They come kind of rolled up, so I stuck chopsticks in the roll, rubber banded the bottom and presented them as a bouquet in a crystal vase. It actually looked pretty good on the dining room table next to the dozen red roses he got for me.
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Time it took to read Jan to June and Aug to Dec – 2 minutes. Time it took to read “just undies July” 20 minutes. One minute to read and 19 minutes of apoplexy. 5 stars, Peg.
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Thanks, Al. Although I like to think of myself as a bohemian, unbounded by society’s conventions, when it comes to the unmentionables, I insist on white cotton granny panties and use lots of bleach.
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I’m usually at no-shave month in February. By the end of a long cold weary winter, who cares how stubbly my legs are…
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And that’s a really practical response as well. The stubble helps keep your knee socks up, and provides an extra layer of insulation.
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You had to go spoil October by thinking ahead, didn’t you? Just when I was ready to jump on board.
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IT’s best to jump with your eyes wide open, and your pantry full of Pepto-Bismol.
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Will you be selling a calendar with naked people tastefully participating in each month’s event? Fine fundraiser for…what was the cause again? Here’s another chin hair for Spectra’s Occupy the Chin movement.
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That’s a great idea! What month do you want?
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It’s called Movember here ( and we try to get the men to grow wonderful examples of moustache not scruffy beards ).
I am in full support of all of your ideas! Especially June 🙂
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I saw a young guy on the telly the other night with a full head of dark brown hair, and a ‘stache and little beard almost snow white. Very freaky looking! My used-to-be-blond headed husband’s ‘stache comes in red. Wonder why that is?
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I love most of these, but I’m concerned that the timing of Only-Sweets October might tend to cheapen Halloween.
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Hmmm. Good point. Maybe on Halloween people will give out carrot sticks and broccoli florets as a change of pace?
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I’m liking January, giant locks on the gym doors, armed police to catch anyone attempting to jog around the park.
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Now THAT’s the kind of police state I could really live in.
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I personally would like to start with Amnesty April and banish taxes! See what you can do Peg…
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I’m hard at work on this, Carol. But you still might want to set aside a few $$ for the taxman, just in case.
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I’ve been practicing ‘Only Sweets October through January 1st’ for decades. Gotta consume as many Twix bars as I can before that dreaded resolution crap rears its ugly head again…sugar withdrawal is scary.
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Sleep-In September – Yes!! I’m totally there. Finally, an event that I don’t have to worry about getting up early for.
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I’m all in favor of Only Sweets October – the chocolate division, that is!
Here in Canada, Movember (November) is the month dedicated to prompting conversation among men about the issue of prostrate cancer. Men start off the month clean shaven, then grow moustaches for the entire month – and of course, they raise funds for cancer research. My husband and son-in-law have both taken part!
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When I first wrote this, I didn’t know the point was to raise awareness for prostate cancer. Good for your hubby and son-in-law for taking part!
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Had to mention this – it’s not just for prostate cancer it’s also to raise awareness for testicular cancer… ( at least it is over here ).
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