Warning!!! The following may not be suitable for more sensitive readers.
After a long, hard summer of the family weight-loss challenge, the pounds are really coming off. “That’s great!” you say. “Whoo hoo!” you enthuse. “You must be thrilled.” you gush. I am. But…
I may have mentioned before that I’m a bit of a pessimist. Here’s the proof. I’ve dropped a whole bunch of lbs. I’m working out. I’m eating right. My heart and lungs are great and I should be doing the happy dance all the way to healthy town. Yet here I am, asking a question first made famous by polka king Frankie Yankovic:
For those not familiar with polkas or Polish food, a kishka is a type of sausage. One line of this song in particular keeps repeating, over and over in my brain. (Don’t ask me WHY I remember the words to this song, which I haven’t heard since high school):
Round and firm and fully packed,
It was hanging on the rack.
Someone stole the kishka,
When I turned my back.
While I’ve been busy dieting, my nice, firm chubbiness has been emptying out. Someone stole my kishka.
Think of… balloons 3 hours after the last kid has left the birthday party…shot elastic in an old pair of underwear…
The sad fact of weight loss past a certain age is that the body just doesn’t snap back the way it once did. The fat cells may cough up their contents, but they don’t leave. They never leave. They wait around, limply, counting the days until you take one teeny, tiny baby step off the straight and narrow diet path. Then ZAP!!! They fill themselves back up almost overnight.
It is ridiculous to think like this – you’re right. I’m not doing it any more. From now on, I’m going to concentrate on my newfound healthiness, and enjoy life. Time to do more traveling. I’ve always wanted to see South America. And I hear they’ve perfected a procedure down there called the Brazilian Butt Lift…
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Hey now – be proud of your skinny droopy butt!!
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Well, when you put it that way…yuck.
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yay for “nice firm chubbiness emptying out”! If you’re patient enough with your body to do the weight losing in the first place, be kind enough to it to let it adjust afterward too 🙂 How exciting! You’re a motivator, Peg. I’m only down 4 pounds so far and I have quite a bit more to go to be “healthy”. It’s hard to be patient. Grats!!
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Good advice, Jackie. But there’s only so much adjusting possible past a certain age. Let this be a lesson, young lady!
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A few extra pounds followed me home from vacation, need to get rid of them QUICKLY. Don’t know if there is such a thing as quickly at this age, but the next couple of weeks are going to require focus!
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You can do it! Rah, rah, rah (putting on newly-fitting high school cheerleader outfit with newly-drooping panties).!
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Try adding squats with weights. No sissy weights – you’ve got to go heavy. Soon you will be a blond Kardashian!
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I DO the butt exercises with weights – my butt is just not motivated. Can I have the Kardashian butts, but keep my own brain?
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No – you must choose. Butt, or Brain.
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I’ll get back to you on that.
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I was pretty shocked when my big, saggy mom boobs turned into tiny, paper-thin saggy Post It boobs after losing some weight. I guess I was expecting a miraculous defeat of gravity?
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Post It boobs? Very descriptive. I’m focusing on the butt because the boobage is even more depressing.
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Post It boobs! I never knew what to call them until now. Thank you, Tori!
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This reminds me of The Family Guy episode where he called them “fried eggs hanging on a nail” Yikes!
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Yikes is right..double yikes!
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You are so funny..making me laugh out loud. Perhaps I can say my failure to lose weight despite my frequent attempts is actually preventing the sag….altho if I could fit into my skinny jeans I’d take the sag any day! Congrats on your loss!!!
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There is something to be said for nice, firm chub. It seems we have to choose whether we want to look good in or out of clothing.
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Why did you want to lose weight in the first place? Was it for your health? Your less than firm-skinned body is shouting HURRAH! You did good, Girl! 🙂
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Well, healthiness and hotness. You know.
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I think it’s to your advantage to be pessimistic and stay cautious. A lot of people, myself included, have learned the hard way not to celebrate too early because it’s not really off until it’s been off a long time.
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Are you saying it may have been a mistake to burn all my fat clothes?
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That’s what “shapewear” is for.
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Good advice – I’ll get some artificial sausage casings.
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i remember it well! Those days of being slim. Now it seems that it was another lifetime but hey! I am happy being what I am now. At 73 I don’t think that any young buck will be waiting for me to take off my clothes…so I have it and it keeps me warm, especially on my butt……
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You’re so right – and a little padding on the back end makes sitting for long periods much more comfy.
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Hoo-ray for you! When do we get to see the “after” photo? Re the Kardashian butts: Now you know where their brains are located.
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Yes, where’s the “after” pics, Peg?
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The challenge doesn’t officially end until 11/11 when we get together for our annual Sisters Weekend. Stay tuned for the thrilling wrap-up (complete with celebrity guests and dancing arctic animals).
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If only the Wonder Bra people made underpants!
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I think they do. But I’ve always considered that a lack of truth in advertising 🙂
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I’m with HoaiPhai! All of our problems would be solved!
Kudos on losing that weight, Peg. Droopy or not, that’s quite an accomplishment. I’ve managed to lose three pounds, but then they came back. Then they went away and came back again. Then I threw my scale out the window.
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Unfortunately, those pounds seem to always come back. So I remain cautiously optimistic about keeping it off.
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Oh, yeah – Guess what? I just awarded you the Versatile Blogger Award! You are the best, girl. Here are the rules: 1. Thank and link to the person who nominates you. 2. Share seven random facts about you. 3. Pass this award on to five new blogging friends. 4. Contact and congratulate the awarded bloggers.
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Well, aren’t you sweet! Thank you so much for the shout out.
I have to tell you that I make it a firm policy not to take part in the awards process because it’s just so much work and trouble, and I’m basically very lazy. But thank you for thinking about me – I really appreciate it.
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Great job, no ifs, ands or butts!
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Tee hee hee!
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Too funny and…sadly true!
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It seems every cloud has a droopy lining.
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Gasp! Could it be my beloved sister, Carolyn, commenting on your blog? How’s your challenge going? Maybe you’re going to surprise us at Sister’s Weekend? Hmmmm…..wonder if I can lose 45 lbs in 2.5 weeks? Yes? NO. Sigh…
I’m preparing to write that check to the big winner!
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I know – I almost fell off my desk chair. I heard that Judy has been laying back in the weeds, steadily losing weight and increasing hotness. You gotta watch out for those quiet ones.
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This is awful – forgive me … I remember when I was younger, I walked in my Mom’s bedroom while she was dressing. It was not pretty (and she is thin). Though I am not as thin as my Mom is (or was at that age), I see that same droopy, saggy body in the mirror. The pencil test? Do you know it? I barely fill a bra – but I can hold on to pencils like a champ. I know. You’re jealous.
Congrats on the weight loss!!
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I can see many practical uses for being able to hold pencils without using your hands, although the mind boggles at the image of you retrieving them in the classroom. We have prehensile boobs!
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