I’ve often heard women lament, “There just aren’t any gentlemen around anymore!” Au contraire! They’re still out there; you just have to look in the right place. Might I suggest a strip joint?
Merriam-Webster Dictionary, my online, go-to source at http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary, provides the following definition:
Gentleman: c (1): a man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities (2): a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior
Merriam-Webster also provides the following definition:
Gentleman’s Club: a nightclub for men that features scantily clad women dancers or stripteasers.
So that’s where all the gentlemen have gone!
You can tell these patrons are true gentlemen by their behavior:
At a strip club, you’ll find guys shouting, “Whoo, hoo! Shake those big ta-tas all up in my chivalry!”
Patrons are eager to help a damsel in distress by letting her squirm around in their laps for 10 minutes, or however long it takes to relieve their distress.
If there are any drinks, or other noxious substances spilled on the floor, the typical patron is sure to lay his jacket over it to protect Tiff’nee and Bambi’s 6-inch spikes from being soiled.
As in days of old, jousting is a favorite pastime for gentlemen. In fact, management has to be constantly vigilant to make sure the gentlemen aren’t waving their staffs around in public. The police frown on that.
The term gentleman used to embody the ideal qualities a woman looked for in a man. It was a title that most men aspired to hold. A Gentleman’s Club is the last place on earth you would ever find one. So why are strip joints called this?
This is a classic example of Euphemish, a concept I first defined in my post New Language Discovered!
According to Peg-o-leg’s Dictionary of Real:
Euphemish noun \’yü-fə-mish\
a: A language, or dialect, featuring the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant.
Synonyms: Sugarcoat, spin, mislead, lie
Origin: from the Greek, euphēmos auspicious, sounding good.
Translating from Euphemish to English, we might come up with more accurate names like the following:
- A Place For Scumbags to Act Like Pigs
- Desperate Women With Fake Boobs and Dead Eyes
- Meaningless Encounters with Paid Strangers Instead of Intimacy With A Real Woman
Hmmm. That first title probably won’t rope the fellas in. The second wouldn’t look too hot on a billboard. And the last just won’t fit on a book of matches. I guess if you’re in the “selling the sex sizzle” business, using the Euphemish title Gentleman’s Club is just smart marketing.
Ladies, next time you’re looking for a true gentleman, look no further than the dimly-lit, seedy little joint just on the outskirts of town. If you go on Amateur Night, you might win $50!