I Didn’t

Thanks to Whomever Interwebz for this cartoon of my mood.

Today…

I didn’t step over the pile of cat-gack on the stairs and leave the clean up for the next unwary morning traveler.  Nor did I yell at Beeby for eating the gack-inducing leaf, even though I specifically warned her last night that this would happen.

I didn’t gun my car to ramming speed and take out the person getting paid $75,000 plus benefits to hold the construction zone stop sign that was making me late for work.

I didn’t tell the sour-faced client complaining about his $2 rate increase where he could put the 200 pennies involved.

I didn’t ram my car into the back of the 16-year-old texting while driving, who cut me off in traffic, then stopped to turn left.

I didn’t shout, “Out of my way, you old bag!” at the elderly woman blocking my access to the shopping carts for 10 minutes while she arranged her cane and purse in her cart, and sifted through the contents of an ancient, black taffeta coin purse looking for a coupon.

I didn’t rip the speakers off the wall at the store and throw them through the plate glass window when they played “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” – twice.

I didn’t growl at the well-meaning dolt who ordered me to “Smile- it’s a beautiful day.”

I didn’t present a cattle prod and instructions on how to use it to the oblivious young mother whose screaming children were running unchecked through the store.

I didn’t shake my fist at the fickle sky, wearing its mantle of sunshiny, fluffy-clouded blueness despite my storm cloud mood.

I didn’t pig out at the all-you-can-eat Chinese lunch buffet, nor did I snag a large Cappuccino Heath Blizzard at Dairy Queen for desert.

I didn’t put my brain through my computer monitor, despite overwhelming evidence that the two were no longer able to work together to put words in anything remotely resembling a pleasing order.

I didn’t allow my car to head for the highway after work, though it took superhuman strength to keep the steering wheel from taking us to the road bound for somewhere else.  Anywhere else.

I didn’t blow off the class I had to go to tonight, despite the certainty that I was headed for 3 hours of mind-numbing boredom.

I didn’t shove the entire 64-count box of brightly colored crayons up the instructor’s nose when she told us, adults all, to use them to draw a picture showing what “diversity means to me”.  I also didn’t snort, roll my eyes or yell out “Hah!” when she gave the option to instead compose a poem or an interpretive dance on the same topic.  I am not even kidding about this part, God help me.

I didn’t demonstrate the efficiency of the household washrag by using it to painfully scrub my husband’s face after he neglected, yet again, to clean the food-besmirched kitchen counters.  This despite our ongoing feud with a determined band of hungry mice.

Today I woke up in a cloud of apathy, slid quickly down the rainbow of gloom and landed in a puddle of discontent.  I wallowed around in it all day.

Despite overwhelming provocation, I didn’t do any of the things I was sorely tempted to do, and avoided drowning anyone else in my huge pond of crabby.

I guess that means it was a pretty good day.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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51 Responses to I Didn’t

  1. Jackie says:

    How can you have such a terrible day and manage not to “pig out at the all-you-can-eat Chinese lunch buffet, nor did I snag a large Cappuccino Health Blizzard at Dairy Queen for des(s)ert.”??? I couldn’t possibly have a day like this and not use food for comfort. Kudos!

    Also, giggled at the assumed “diversity training”. This is my field currently. It makes me want to hunt down whomever ran the class and give them a piece of my mind.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      You do that kind of training, Jackie? Hopefully not like this. We wasted 1-1/2 hours on this stupid topic, which could have been summed up as “You’ll meet lots of people who are different from you – race, creed, sex, religion, etc. Be nice to them.”

      Like

      • Jackie says:

        Well I work in a healthcare system so we try to focus our training on Cultural Competency (you may not want to cut this person’s necklace because it’s sacred, marks on this person might be from ritual, not from abuse, these are some different birthing practices to consider with patients, etc), but we also get asked to do a lot of Diversity Training as well. And 1.5 hours is way too long unless it was an interactive or discussion-based workshop.

        Like

        • pegoleg says:

          That kind of training actually makes a lot of sense in your setting. None of those things would ever occur to me, and others perhaps, if they weren’t explained beforehand. Carry on!

          Like

  2. Tori Nelson says:

    I don’t know. Sometimes a little road-rage and violent speaker maiming is just what the doctor ordered!

    Like

  3. egills says:

    Oddly I’ve just done a pedestrian rage post… isn’t it so cruel that when you’re having a bad day the dreaded diet is there to stop you from taking comfort in niceties.

    Like

  4. lexy3587 says:

    I think you at least deserved the buffet/dessert combo… some of the other stuff could have put you in a more foul mood – just think! if you’d rammed that driver or smashed your head in, you would have been stuck talking to cops for a while, or in some awful hospital waiting room for a few hours! hopefully things improve 🙂

    Like

  5. Libertarian says:

    You didn’t…. NOT write this blog entry!! For which we are all thankful, you talented little thing, you! Thanks for yet another fun blog, sissy!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      This was along the lines of trying to make lemonade out of my lemon day. Everybody has them, no? I almost called you last night but didn’t want to slop gloom all over you.

      Like

  6. bigsheepcommunications says:

    You showed remarkable restraint. I’m tossing some water wings out to you so the undertow of Crabby Pond doesn’t suck you in.

    Like

  7. charleen says:

    The first time I read this, I saw “Health Blizzard” and I scrambled for the menu. Boy was I disappointed 🙂
    When my parents talk about my lack of patience or tact, I wish that I could make them follow me (silently) through my average day. They should see how patient or tactful I have to be to keep a job and remain out of prison*. That they then expect me to be cheerful on top of that? I don’t think so.

    * Prison is usually avoided because I didn’t pulverize the car of the person in front of me at the drive through coffee place for neither knowing what he/she wants nor having his/her money organized in any fashion where he/she can pay the vendor in a timely fashion.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      There is no health in the Heath Blizzard. I share your disappointment.

      And I’m really, really proud of you for how patient, tactful and prison-free you’ve managed to stay. I know it isn’t easy.

      Like

  8. I applaud your astonishing self-control on this day. Very impressive. But I would have loved to see the interpretive dance.

    Like

  9. Evie Garone says:

    Funny, blog!
    I DID relate to your blog as usual . . .you are a comedic talent, Thank you for that!
    I DIDN’T throw my computer out the window because as usual I couldn’t download my new camera discs . . .
    I DIDN’t cry with frustration, I held it in with a tightly held composure!
    I WILL move on and hope for help from my sons
    I WILL continue to hope for serenity . . .

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      This sounds like a daily affirmation.

      Congrats on having the strength of will not to toss the computer. I feel like a feeble old fart sometimes, having to rely on my kids to help with technology.

      Thanks for the kind words!

      Like

  10. Hahaha…
    VERY impressive! In fact, I think you should be rewarded. I’m fairly certain I have a coupon for a Blizzard around here… somewhere… hang-on… just a minute… I know it’s in here… really…
    🙂

    Like

  11. Rob says:

    LOL cattle prod. yeah they should sell those at toys r us

    Like

  12. eb does life says:

    Loved your post…the Pond of Crabby is a great phrase. Such a good “Didn’t Day”!! Thanks for sharing 🙂

    Like

  13. Tar-Buns says:

    LOVED it, Peg! Especially the link to Justin Laippley (sp?)’s interpretive dance. I laughed out loud watching that!!! Very fun. That must have made what was a required “training” a bit more bearable.

    That’s why we love the techno nerds…wish I had one like my handyman for around the house. Only this one would show me how to do all those things I haven’t learned yet and need someone to show me HOW.

    I too, woke up in a pool of apathy but my students don’t let me hide out too much. That, plus the self respect of doing my job (teaching, or at least trying to) keep me from being too funked out. By the end of the day, at least I can go home and pay the bills, enjoy the flowers and gardens before it’s too cold to be outside.

    Better days are ahead. Looking so forward to ArtPrize in Grand Rapids, MI. Started today and I”m watching the news on our antenna. So much neat stuff to see. People are so creative, as are you, for writing of your duress and making us all smile!!! 🙂

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      Isn’t that a great video? Cracks me up.

      Seems to be a lot of apathy going around. It must have something to do with the change in seasons. I hope your personal puddle has dried up and it’s all blue skies from here on out.

      Wish I could be an artist, but without starving. I’m really looking forward to checking out Grand Rapids. See you there!

      Like

  14. joehoover says:

    I did laugh a lot at this post

    Like

  15. Crayons and interpretive dance to express diversity? That is some class. I would have been laughing inappropriately for sure!

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      I did at first. When I walked in and saw a pile of paper, markers and crayons by each place, I said “Art class! That’s ok, as long as we don’t have to draw our “Feelings” or something lame like that.” and laughed at my own joke.
      The instructor got kind of a pained smile.
      I said “Oh.”, stopped smiling, sat down and shut up.

      Like

  16. It was that kind of day here, too. I didn’t do any of these things. I did stare blankly at lots of people who expected me to think at a level above Li’l D. Here’s hoping tomorrow better . . .

    Like

  17. I think I would have to add that I DIDN’T kick the rear ends of my three cats for not catching the mouse that is leaving doodles all through my bathroom vanity. For two hundred and sixty pounds of cat food a year, eight hundred and thirty-two pounds of cat litter, treats, toys and maid service (not to mention major medical) I don’t think I’m asking too much for them to get off their lazy butts and catch one mouse. I would suggest giving Beeby a lecture about her responsibilities to the household and earning her keep, but it hasn’t worked with my cats.

    Like

    • pegoleg says:

      If your cats were in corporate America, they would have been downsized by now, for sure. Our mice are stealing Beeby’s cat food. Seriously – right out of her bowl! That’s how much contempt they have for her. Maybe if we didn’t feed them so well, a little Mouse Tartar would start looking mighty good to them and they’d do their jobs, hmmm?

      Like

      • I just had to leave you a note. We caught the mouse ourselves about five minutes ago. Try tossing an unwrapped Hershey’s kiss and some dried fruit in a tall garbage can. (about 30 gallon, these little guys can really jump) Give the mice a way to get in. We built steps with a tool box and some books. The mice drop in and they can’t get out. What happens next is up to you. Nemesis (yes, my kids named him) is going to the barn where he will probably meet a pretty girl mouse and raise a family of thousands so that they can storm the house in mass next year.

        Like

  18. emptyhat says:

    I love this. It’s not just paragraphs of thought, love the idea. 🙂

    Like

  19. sukanyabora says:

    I hear you Peg. I was in the exact predicament yesterday-discontent, apathy, gloom, doom , you name it. I am still wallowing. I think I need to pig out at an all you can eat chinese buffet and get two, no three orders of Cappucino Heath Blizzard!

    Like

  20. Sandy Sue says:

    Okay, now I want the list of what you DID. There has to be a pile of bodies somewhere.

    Like

  21. MKC says:

    Great piece, Peg. Another laugh out loud on our funny/frustating world!

    Like

  22. Big Al says:

    It’s been a while since I could catch up with my blog friends. This was just the one I needed to get me back in the groove. Hilarious! There should be Freedom Medals awarded for such restraint.

    Like

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