Nowhere to run to...nowhere to hide.
My husband has become one of Them.
They’re taking over. I keep trying to tell people, but they won’t listen.
“You’re paranoid”, they say.
“That’s crazy talk”, they say.
Oh sure, it seemed innocent enough at first. Who didn’t want to listen to their own music play list? Soon, everybody had an iPod. Then came the iPhones, then the iPads. They infiltrated our lives so slowly that nobody noticed they were taking over.
Those who have already been transformed are the biggest threat.
The iPod People are virtually indistinguishable from normal people, except for their total lack of emotion about anything but apps, and future upgrades. They wear a perpetually glazed-over look, until the subject swings round to their latest i-gizmo. That’s when they come to life, eyes firing with the religious fervor of a tent-revival preacher.
Ever since my 2-year contract with Verizon was up, they’ve been after me in dead earnest; the phone calls, the emails, the relentless barrage of ads. It’s not as if I’m walking around with a Seinfeld brick of a cell phone. Mine has a keyboard and a decent camera. But it isn’t “smart”.
When one of the iPod People catches sight of my non-i, non-smart phone, it is like waving a red cape before a bull.
They almost got me last week at a party. My own brother pinned me down as he demonstrated every mother-loving feature of his new iPad2. Foam flecked the corners of his mouth. I created a diversion by asking to see the internet features, and was able to slip away when he went to ask the hostess for her Wi-fi password. I barely escaped with my life
There are just a few - oh, so few - of us left to fight the good fight.
They got my husband, Bill, 3 months ago. He doesn’t look any different, but a wife knows. He is an empty shell of the man he used to be. His body still sits on the couch in our living room, but his spirit is fully taken over by the pursuit and mastery of new iPhone apps.
I’m afraid to go down the basement – afraid my iPad is growing down there, just waiting for me. I’ll hold out as long as I can, but I’m getting tired. So tired.
What’s that you say? It can’t happen to you? Oh, you naïve fool! Don’t you know? They’re here already.
You’re next! You’re next.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Stay strong, Peg!
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Trying to…hold on…fading fast…went to Apple’s website yesterday….help me!
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I only lasted a month before I started poking and prodding at Dave’s iPad2. I, too, grew weary and defenseless in spite of my distaste for the contraptions. Now I play games, I listen to music – my shame knows no bounds.
Just give in, Peg. It’s easier. *deep, dark, soul-less eyes*
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They got you too, Jackie? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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LOL.. I actually felt like that when Brian bought me my first ipod ( I’ve had it nearly 2 years now and only just recently found it had games on it! ).
As for the rest of the Apple technology – nah you can keep it. I’m happy with my Nokia E7, I can get my emails / ring people / text people / take some good photo’s with it ( sadly I can even use excel or word on it ). And the only other important app that I’ve worked out how to use is the maps thing… which was great last weekend when we got lost driving around Swindon!
Stay strong 🙂
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Nokia? I didn’t even know they were still in business? But seriously, I’m with you. Isn’t the important thing about a phone the ability to make and receive phone calls? My kids look at me like I’m nuts when I say things like that.
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Good, good. Give in, Luke. Your hatred fuels the Dark Side and if not, there’s an app for that anyway.
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I always suspected that Apple had a Deathstar aimed at the earth.
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Fall into the App? Oh wait. That was Fall into The Gap. Never mind. All I know is I have the anti-smart phone, the dumb phone if you will, and I am totally content using it just to speak to people via telephone. The apps, the gadgets, the technology makes my eyes twitch.
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I’m so with you, but I feel my resistance weakening, weakening. Must be this cold I’ve had all week.
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I stand with you in resistance! Hold fast! I won’t be seduced by the shiny screens and colorful app icons! I have a touchscreen phone that flips up and gives me my choice of dialpad or qwerty keyboard, and has internet access and a good camera, plus long battery life. I have a laptop at home and a desktop at work. I don’t need anything else! Take heart! Fight the power!
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But you already have the coveted internet access on your phone. That’s what is calling, ever calling out to me…
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I have a dumb phone, but an iPad2. The iPad2 is worth it’s weight in gold for one reason only – no one else in the family has one. They have iPhones, Mac computers, iPods, Blackberries, even first generation iPads. But no one else has an iPad2, and no one else has the Chicktionary App. So this past week-end when we were all at the cabin with no phone or internet coverage, I had the most popular game on the most popular piece of equipment! I scored one for Grandmas everywhere!
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The snarky youth are always sneering at us over 50s and our technological uncoolness. If drinking the iPad2 Koolaid enabled you to lord it over them, then I’m OK with it.
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Pat couldn’t take it anymore and bought a new phone last weekend, which is a computer, he says. I haven’t even tried to figure it out yet. It’s a Motorola Atrix 4G, some kind of smart phone I guess. Just means heftier monthly bills and still paying for the old one since we are still under contract with AT&T.
We tried to get Verizon but they were blocked in Mt. Pleasant until just 2 weeks ago and our old phones were physically dying last year. I glaze over when he talks about all the apps. I’m not switching until the contract is done. It’s so expensive. I can wait. Be strong, Peg!
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I predict you will never again get a coherent sentence out of Pat, as he sits on the couch surfing apps.
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I have two ipods, both gifts. They sit in a drawer, unused. I actually loaded music onto them but I don’t like wearing earbuds.
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I know what you mean, but if you can figure out how to hook the iPod up to your computer, you can listen to your music that way.
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You’re getting very drowsy……your eyes lids are like weights…….very sleepy……..when I click my mouse you will wake up and send me all your passwords………click.
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I’m weakening, that’s true, but I’m not a total idiot. Nice try, Al.
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My Sominex is a TracFone that gathers dust in a drawer. I only just reactivated it because I’m going on a cross-country trek with friends in a few weeks and my converted poddlings demanded I be reachable. Bah! If I can’t hear you from my kitchen window, I don’t need to know what you’re saying.
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Wow, a TracFone. I feel technologically groovy by comparison! There is something to be said about being reachable, but only in an emergency. My aged parents each have a cell phone and they share a landline. Sometimes when I call there they are juggling 3 phones with call waiting – insane! I keep telling them, whoever it is can call back.
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I live with computer geeks…I don’t even have a keyboard on my phone, and don’t know how to use the camera on it (and I don’t care!). All I want is a computer that works at a reasonable speed…
Fun post, Peggy!
Wendy
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Thanks, Wendy. What’s wrong with a phone that makes and receives phone calls? That’s what they’re supposed to do, right?
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iAgree with you. iCan’t even operate my iTouch and everyone around me is hooked up to their iLifeline. iReally enjoyed your post, especially those incredible images. How did you do that? iAm still laughing. Way to go!
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iLike your style, Lorna!
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