No, no! Wild horses couldn't drag us to the all-you-can-eat sundae bar! Oh, wait, I see you've got some wild horses.
Did you know that alcohol has calories?
If you’re following along, you’ll know that this is the summer of the family weight-loss challenge. We just finished the third week, and I conducted a little experiment over the weekend. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen the results with my own eyes, but apparently alcohol can make you fat.
Here’s the mathematical proof.
Total pre-party weight loss: 10 pounds
+ 75 family members and friends
+ 5 haunches of beef
+ 15 pounds of chicken
+ 25 pounds of Portillo’s pasta salad
+ 2 huge cakes
+ 3 or so bottles of wine
——–
Total Monday morning weight loss: 8 pounds
YES, THAT IS A GAIN OF 2 POUNDS!
After a week of pain and sacrifice, how could just one night of debauchery produce such a calamitous result?
I was doing fine at the party – little beef, little chicken, little salad, little wine. The wine was an unassuming little chardonnay, fruity yet unubiquitous. It had a distinct grapefruit juice under-tone. And grapefruit juice is good for you. So I had a little more.
It was late in the evening, and most of the guests had gone home. I saw it from across the yard – dark as the night had become, it called to me. A double-chocolate layer cake, all by its lonesome. I went to keep it company.
It’s like I tell my daughters. When you drink you make bad choices.
Now I’ve got to just shake this off and get back to work. The important thing is for all of us to eat sensibly and lose weight responsibly for the sake of our health.
Besides, half of the family contestants were at the same party and it looked like I wasn’t the only one enjoying fine, fatty foods and liberal libations. I may still be ok.
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
I hear you loud and clear. Ugh, the pain I shall endure this week for my own weekend debauchery. One particular evening I was struck with the sudden urge for Cheese-filled Bratwurst, which I microwaved and ate on half a hamburger bun because I had not the mental faculties for a more refined job.
I’m sure the rest of the family sucked too – onward to victory!
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Nothing commemorates the founding of our great nation like cheese-filled brats on a hamburger bun.
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If that picture is accurate, your family throws some wild 4th of July parties! Got any cake left?
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Just your normal, average Bacchanalia.
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I’m beginning to think that summer is NOT the best time to start a challenge what with party events almost every weekend. MK is only other one to report her weight loss – 1lb and she’s happy for that. Me? again, 1 lousy lb. Sigh…
Come on, ladies. Let’s try to get a routine going here. Need your weight loss please.
I bought a digital scale last week, to be more accurate. Weighed in on the old one and then the digital. The digital says I weigh 10lbs more than the old scale!!! Damn technology. I guess watching hours of the “Hoarders” TV show yesterday didn’t help my get-fit quest. I’m addicted to that show. The horror of it all. How can people live like that?
I’m off to swim and work-out, probably some yard work later, which always makes me sweat. And the bugs love my sweaty self. Acquiring a lovely collection of itchy bug bites. Oh, the fun…
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I love Hoarders, too. I keep saying “See – I don’t have a problem.” In fact, I commemorated our nation’s birth by spending the day in the basement boxing up junk. I am beginning to see the concrete at the end of the tunnel!
Just think; if each mosquito takes 1/47th of a dram of blood, after a summer of suffering you will have lost 1/8th of a pound!
There’s no good time to lose weight. Once it gets cold, we want to be inside eating donuts.
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A double chocolate layer cake? Did you ever think that maybe a less than scrupulous family member (and fellow contestant) may have planted it there? Don’t want to start anything, but just sayin…..
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A sneaky sister, knowing my weakness for chocolate, forced me to consume mass quantities of wine, therefore leaving me open to the power of a strategically placed double chocolate cake…. I see it all now. THis is war!
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Nobody forced you to drink mass quantities of wine! You were trying to get me with the ” Oh, this wine is so good and has a grapefruit base-healthy for us!” The chocolate cake was worth splurging for. I was lucky, I lost a pound and it was probably because of my heart-attack bike ride on Sat. Want me to send my coach to Granville? Seriously-hang in there, it’s a slow process.
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How the heck can you gain weight (or get tipsy) drinking grapefruit juice? It’s a scientific anomaly.
Lisa posted a picture of herself in shorts and tanktop going on a 4-hour bike ride around Chicago this morning. The caption was “Beware girls”. Jeesh! You’d think someone on vaca would be guaranteed some weight gain.
I don’t think I could handle your coach – Franz the Whip-Wielder. Better you than me. Hang in there yourself, and no more heart-attack inducing bike rides.
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You didn’t actually gain two pounds. Your body is still processing what you ate Sunday when you weigh yourself on Monday morning… or what you ate Monday when you weigh yourself on Tuesday morning. Serious question: do you have a set day of the week and time of that day on which you weigh yourself? Women’s weights can fluctuate up to four pounds during any given day. The most accurate way to get your weight is by doing it at the same time on the same day of the week. 🙂
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I know you’re right, but I still weigh in every morning. It’s amazing how much fluctuation there is, isn’t there?
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Yes. It should be physically illegal. I suppose there are systemic reasons for it, but I find it offensive. Also, I neglected to mention before that I was disappointed that 75+ people couldn’t kill more than three bottles of wine! Grapefruit based? Should totally be a freebie!
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If I know my cousin, the hostess of the party, MANY more than 3 bottles of vino were consumed. Peg’s a bit naive about alcohol consumed – she’s a lightweight. Sorry I missed the show of her getting tipsy and burying her face in the double chocolate cake. That’s worth posting! 🙂
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I was talking about my personal consumption. You are so right. I feel I was taken advantage of, that grapefruit-tasting wine wasn’t a freebie.
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I have to say, I didn’t get very far into your entry this time…. instead, I was heartened that the two dudes in the picture above are really digging on these ladies, despite the fact that at least one of them (the one with the white-blond hair) had some celluite on the back of her legs/buttocks! This fuels my resolve to keep eating all of the crap that I love oh, so much, as it appears it won’t affect my desirability to the bo-hunks of my dreams!!
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Sorry, Lib, you’re going to need a time machine to access these guys, as they’ve been moldering in their graves for almost 400 years.
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