The Lonely Goatherd - highly contagious!
I’ve picked up a nasty virus. It is just getting started, but already I am fuzzy headed and can’t think straight.
This is the worst case of Songfluenza I have ever had. It’s an especially virulent strain involving “The Lonely Goatherd”.
One rarely knows how these things are contracted. The latent virus may be lying dormant for weeks or months. Something triggers it, and without warning you’re breaking out in “lay-ee-odl-lay-ee-odl-loo”.
But I can pinpoint the precise moment I caught The Goatherd. A co-worker passed it on as he walked down the hallway whistling the infecting tune. Bill is known to be a chronic carrier. You would think our employer would do something, but their hands are tied. They are afraid of a lawsuit. I am not blaming Bill, poor guy. But why don’t these people just stay home when the virus is active?
At first, I didn’t even know I had been infected. Another co-worker noticed the symptoms. I was at the copier and she said, not quite meeting my eyes “Um, did you know you’ve been kind of humming that song from the Sound of Music? Like, all morning?”
If I had just the melodic strain, it wouldn’t be so bad. But I always get hammered with both the music and lyrics. I cannot concentrate. It is like having a hole in a tooth that your tongue will not leave alone. My brain feverishly puzzles; is it “Soon her mama with a pale pink coat heard”, or “Soon her mama with a gleaming gloat heard”?
The fear, of course, is that the strain will mutate, a process known as genetic drift. Then it is just a short hop to the rest of Soundus Musicus.
What if it crosses over to the dreaded Yodelus family? Granted, such cases are rare nowadays. But it wasn’t that many years ago that sufferers were institutionalized, poor bastards. This was both to prevent contagion and to protect them from angry mobs.
Now that the weather has forced people indoors, we are going to see more outbreaks.
The Centers for Disease Control reports the Lady Gagus variant is nearly a pandemic. But they say there is no cause for concern. That strain, although annoying, is short-lived. As with most of the Pop Musicus genus, it runs its course in about 15 minutes. This is not to minimize the danger. Serious cases have been reported. Some sufferers are left with the lingering inability to tell fashion accessories from road kill.
I want your disease!
Modern science cannot truly eradicate this menace. There are, however, steps we can take to lessen the spread. The most effective way is to just avoid others when contagious. If you have to go out, be doubly careful. When I feel an “odl-lay-ee-hoo” coming on, I cover my mouth with the crook of my arm.
Prevention is especially important when dealing with the most vulnerable in our society – those whose immunity has been compromised by participation in musical theater.
I am trying to look on the bright side. This bout should boost my immunity to Soundus Musicus, and possibly the entire Rodgers & Hammersteinus order.
For now, there’s nothing I can do but let it run its course. Maybe I should just go home. I’m sure in a few days I will be as right as rain. Raindrops. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens….
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
The hills are alive with this dangerous virus – it’s everywhere! I suggest you quarantine yourself as quickly as possible. Not only are you contagious, you’re at an increased risk of developing a secondary supercalafrajalisticexpialodotious infection.
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Oh no! Perhaps a spoonful of sugar would help with that secondary infection?
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but there may be the danger of contracting the worst ‘mockney’ accent in the history of cinema
(apart from Oceans 11 possibly . . . .)
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Good thinking!
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The Songfluenza is definitely contagious! Your daughter, Liz, has been afflicted with humming happy tunes for years.
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You’re right, but your brother is even more afflicted with the whistling variety.
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Oh, the humanity!!
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No need for panic….yet.
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It must be endemic!
I woke up three days ago, singing the closing song from a BBC children’s programme from the 1950’s: ‘Andy Pandy’
Shortly after I confessed my desperation, my wife left for the UK . . . . I hope the events are not related.
Should we form a support group? The situation is worsening . . .
Did I just hear Homer Simpson say…. Doh… a female deer
HELP!!
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If it has been 3 days with the same song, it may be time to seek professional help.
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I have confidence in sunshine, I have confidence in rain, I have confidence that spring will come again, besides what you see I have confidence in me–and you–finding a cure for this if we climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, ’til we finally scream. Or start dancing in dirndles. Whichever comes first.
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Oh no, she’s got it! Somebody get a big hypo – Paula needs to be sedated.
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Dirndles . . . a funny word sounds like
a small range of mountains near Chepstow . . . .
Or maybe a stomach upset . . .
Or maybe a girl band from New Jersey
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I think that IS a girl band from New Jersey..
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My daughter Abby has had this infection since Christmas. Its the Spanish version of songfluenza. . . Feliz Navida. Oh please help us.
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That’s a killer. I’ver never heard of it hanging on this long. Perhaps you could divert her attention to the Barney theme song? Liz always caught that one.
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Since I am the infected carrier of whom you speak, it is only fair to warn you of the new strain I’ve been incubating, “Big Eyes” by Cheap Trick, viz., “Big eyes. I keep fallin’ for those big eyes…do-do-do-do-do do…do-do-do-do-do-d0.”
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I think I’m immune to that one. Whew!
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Argh.. I have had Mama Mia songs going over and over in my head today after having to ask what some one meant by … on some text I was translating – now I have a mix of the hills are alive and knowing me knowing you… ahha!
Seriously, loved your blog.
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When the movie “Muriel’s Wedding” came out, I had Waterloo stuck in my head for a month – thought I’d never recover! I think Abba is particulary contagious. Thanks for stopping by.
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You had it easy. I caught a terrible case of Barney the Purple Dinosauritis (‘I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…’) from a five year old 😦 It was bad… lingered and lingered and almost cost me my job and marriage lol
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That’s a nasty one. Hope you don’t have any residual Baby Bopulitis.
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