Today is “Bring A Fellow-Blogger To Work” Day.

I’d like to introduce my readers to a great writer, and fellow Freshly Pressed honoree, Lisa at the Big Sheep Blog.  Readers, Lisa.  Lisa, readers.  Lisa is my new BBFF (blogging best friend forever). We’re having cyber-slumber parties, braiding one another’s hair and giggling about cute bloggers we’re crushing on.

We’re swapping blogs today!   What Not to Wear, the Small Town Edition, presented below, is one of Lisa’s gems.  I know you’ll love her clever, quirky style.  I’m guest posting over on her site today.  Now that we’re all friends, check it out at:  http://bigsheepcommunications.wordpress.com/

*Warning:  Avoid any and all beverages while reading the Big Sheep Blog.  Explosive laughter may result in spontaneous expulsion of liquids through your nose.*

What Not to Wear, the Small Town Edition

Have you ever watched TLC’s What Not to Wear?  Here’s a synopsis for those who haven’t. A chronically badly dressed woman is nominated by her loving, well-intentioned (or vindictive, you be the judge) friend or family member for a fashion intervention. Show hosts Stacy and Clinton ambush the woman, often at her workplace, and show her secretly taped footage of her fashion atrocities. She comes to NY, bringing her entire wardrobe with her. She is forced to try on a few of her favorite outfits, stand in a 360 degree mirror and endure humiliating commentary by the giggling hosts, who are incredulous about the hapless woman’s fashion offenses, until she either breaks down and sobs or flies into an angry rage. Each and every article of clothing is then insulted and tossed into a giant trash can.

Armed with $5,000, the woman then shops at the finest NY boutiques and department stores, following strict fashion rules set out by Stacy and Clinton. To complete the new look, her hair is professionally colored, cut and styled, and a famous make-up artist teaches her how to enhance her natural beauty. At the end, the woman, all polished and put together in her expensive new wardrobe, is grateful for both the outer and inner transformations that have magically occurred during her whirlwind week in NY.  

I suppose if you live in a major metropolitan area, that sort of transformation is possible and perhaps appropriate. From a small town perspective, however, it’s pretty ridiculous. The real challenge would be to transform these fashion pariahs while shopping only in their own communities. The small town edition would go something like this. The fashion victim is given $500 and sent out to the finest local department store, Walmart, where she must follow the following fashion rules:

§   Camouflage is universally unflattering and should be worn only when hunting. Counter-intuitive, I know, but you must trust the rules.

§   Housecoats and slippers are to be worn only in the house.

§   Women may not shop for jeans in the men’s department.

§   Women may not shop for professional clothes in the junior department and no one over the age of 11 should ever wear a Justin Bieber tee shirt. Ever.

§   Leather pants are appropriate only if a Harley is your main form of transportation.

After Walmart, it’s off to Shoetopia, aka Payless, where the BOGO specials (that’s “buy one, get one free” for the uninitiated) really stretch those remaining dollars. To complete the new wardrobe, the woman spends the afternoon being pampered at Beulah’s Beauty Barn and emerges with a new ‘do, colored, cut, and shellacked into Aqua Net perfection. Finally, a stop at the Dollar General to stock up on the finest in discount cosmetic products. The transformation is now complete.

So, what do you say Stacy and Clinton?  Are you up for the challenge?