Wanted: Self-starter for the position of raconteur, bon vivant and all around Renaissance woman.
Job duties to include:
- Exploring…life.
- Writing…when the muse strikes.
- Strolling… a beach, hiking a trail or striding down city streets.
- Partying… hearty. An almost bacchanalian appreciation for good food and wine required.
- Contemplating… the meaning of life and one’s belly button in equal measure. Best accomplished stretched out in a hammock.
- Sleeping…late. Occasionally announcing your intention to rise and greet the dawn gives as many brownie points as actually doing it.
- Singing & dancing…enthusiasm more important than ability.
- Traveling…first class and all expenses paid to fun and exotic locations.
- Reading… whenever and whatever you want.
- Watching…chick flicks, Fellini art films, trashy TV, etc. Must be able to express opinions on a wide variety of cultural topics, from the sublime to the Real Housewives.
- Hobnobbing…with fascinating people.
Ideal candidate will possess the following qualifications:
- Gently seasoned. Old enough to have been around some; young enough to be able to get around some.
- Eager to learn new things.
- Willing to set out at a moment’s notice for the next adventure. Said adventure is guaranteed NOT to involve roughing it at a level below three Michelin stars, activities that cause up-chuckery, or rats and bugs.
- Able to speak several foreign languages. Willingness to fake it by speaking English with a foreign accent is just as good.
- Smart enough to realize you’re not that smart.
- Able to laugh, long and hard, at yourself and those around you.
Salary: commiserate with whatever your little heart desires.
Perfect employee in search of ideal job. Potential employers encouraged to send offers care of this blog.
What’s your ideal job?
Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings 
Ah, mon cherie. I could do ziss job.
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Wee, wee, madame-oyzelle.
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Now I’m all worried that I’m going to get a pink slip, if this job is being advertised as open. My last job review did contain the phrases “inexcusable lethargy” and “complete wanker in meetings”.
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You’re right – “lethargic” and “wanker” are NOT the adjectives one wants applied to one in a job review.
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Good luck, Peg! I hope this doesn’t mean you’re giving up on the lucrative field of blogging-when-and-if-you-feel-like-it. I need you to stay and keep me company!
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For some reason that lucrative field hasn’t been all that….lucrative. Hows about with you?
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Well, the benefits are sort of intangible, you know?
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“Up-chuckery” usually sneaks under that umbrella of “other duties as assigned.” Good on you for being clear on that.
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I wouldn’t want there to be any misunderstanding on that point.
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My ideal job would be to form a collaborative blog with you and we could sit around all day long laughing our fool arses off and writing, writing, writing. Ahhhh….that’s the life, baby.
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We could do that. Let’s write a movie! My gal will call yours.
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I think I’ll try to get on the waiting list to interview for your ideal job. Sounds awfully good to me, especially the travel part. In fact, I may just have to fight you for the position. 😉
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I’ll let you know just as soon as I see the ad, so you have plenty of time to apply. 😉
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Well damn. Way to get a girl’s hopes up. I thought you were hiring. I’d be PERFECT for this job. In fact, I was born for it. Maybe they will need 2 of us? I’ll be in my hammock waiting for your reply . . .
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We’ll need a hammock built for 2, Misty.
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2016 is not that far away…
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No, it’s not…(?)
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A new job? President?
Because that description SHOULD be for President. *grin*
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OH! (smacks head on forehead). Never, ever, ever would I run for any kind of political office. Might as well paint a huge target on your back the way people attack you. Shudder.
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Hey Peg, in 30 more days I will be entirely free this sounds like the perfect position. Where do I sign up?
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Val, I think you’re missing the point. This is the kind of want-ad where I say what I want in a job. I’m not sure why newspapers don’t run more of these.
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I didn’t miss the point at all, simply decided it was the job I need.
😉
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Wha???? You’re trying to muscle in on my job interview???? Shame on you.
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My ideal job would be – do what the mood takes me, with unlimited financial resources to do so. So pretty much like yours. If you need a reference I’d be happy to write one for you.
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Thanks, V! I’ll take you up on that, just as soon as I get my first applicant. Should be any moment now.,..
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*sigh* Timing couldn’t be worse. I would love to apply, but I’m currently nursing a broken foot (thank you, Cody, and very loud next-door neighbor!). Let me know if you still haven’t filled the position in, say, 6-8 weeks. Although meanwhile, I’m definitely your girl for the sleeping late, reading, and writing requirements.
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Um, this is the job that I am looking for. Do you think that isn’t clear? Maybe that’s why I haven’t had any offers yet?
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Sorry, misread it – does that make me a bad candidate? Ah, well. At least there will be one less person competing with you for the position.
My ideal job would basically be what I’m doing this week, but without the broken foot – reading, writing, lounging, doing whatever my little heart tells me to do at any given time.
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Do you get paid for that? Without the broken foot.
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No, but I’d like to be paid for it. Then I could quit the day job from which I’m currently taking the week off.
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I think my ideal would allow me to come and go at my leisure and benefit society in whatever way I deem appropriate.
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Sounds like a great job. Let me know how that works out for you.
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Ice Cream Taster! 8D
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I’d go along with that job.
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Oooh, I want this job. Isn’t it called “retirement”?
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You know, I think you may be right! Except I don’t think Social Security is quite going to cover my travel budget.
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Nor mine. Or my wind budget either!
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Wine! I produce the wind free of charge.
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haha! You crack me up, Miss Elyse.
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That one had me chuckling, Peg. Damn you, Spell-check!
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I think the whole job thing is overrated. My days are all Saturdays now.
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That’s EXactly the job I’m looking for!
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Me, me, pick me!!! I am gently seasoned, able to speak a couple of foreign languages and can no longer see my belly button because the folds cover it up! What an ideal job! Peg, I hope you find it and when you do, make sure you tell them about me.
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I’ll tell the lucky employer they can get two for one!
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Throw in a new toaster too! That will seal the deal.
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Traveling the world because I am already filthy rich and own my private Island in the Bahamas and writing about them/posting photos. However, I barely write a post once a month but then I do have a full time Monday through Friday job. Or getting paid to write book reviews. Or just getting paid to read books since I read like there’s no tomorrow.
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I like both of your ideas. Except I don’t know that I trust my own judgement on books. I get trapped in favorite book loops andread the same stuff, over and over again. None of it is very highbrow.
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I wasn’t thinking of reading anything written by Socrates or Plato! I read some very trashy books too, it hurst the brain to be too intellectual. I can amend that getting paid to read anything. That would include the Nutrition Facts on cereal boxes.
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Just make sure your employment contract states this. Gee, a bon vivant in search of a job can’t be too careful!
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I could do that job — but I don’t want to have to compete with you for it, Peg. So I’ll have to go with Kitten Socializer.
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That’s a noble profession, and the world is crying out for good ones.
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1. This job has already been filled. Remember, I’m retired.
2. I’ve decided my navel is an “insie.”
3. I’ve studied every language except Greek. Unfortunately, they are still Greek to me.
4.I have passed the “seasoned” part and am now moving inexorably toward overripe.
5. I can’t debauch myself like I used to, but I do have a bust of Dionysus on my mantle, so there’s that.
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Damn it all, Al, you ARE the perfect candidate. No wonder I haven’t received any offers yet!
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Wouldn’t it be nice if we could post the job we wanted and wait for the offers? Hmmm…
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Wouldn’t it be nice if we could post the job we wanted and GET the offers.
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When you get this job, you’ll probably need to hire an assistant. I’d like to apply.
I could help out in in the food and wine area. I could be your muse. My enthusiasm for singing and dancing far exceeds my talent for it, so I would not outshine you – just enhance the experience. Also, I promise to speak with a French accent.
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Sounds like a great plan, Rach. I’m sure to need an assistant with all the work I’ll have to do, and I know you’ll be trays bee-an.
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While your ideal job sounds like my ideal job, I don’t want to be a copycat. So, I’ll say my idea is living in the countryside, writing, while enjoying copious amounts of wine and time with my friends and family.
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I’ll take that job, too.
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I agree thoroughly with the comment on the last name letter A priority. I’m blessed my last name starts with an A and doesn’t begin with a name like Zamora
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You’ve probably been first in line your whole life!
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I hob my nob all the time…
Shit what were you talking about?
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TMI.
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Here are questions for your job interview: http://nudgewinkreport.wordpress.com
(Hey, maybe they will pay me for reposting!)
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Tell BD you want part of her raise.
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The wine doesn’t work for me. Is that a deal breaker? If I could negotiate Scotch then I would be all over this position. Perhaps I could apply as a “Bon Vivant” in training.
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Well…I suppose that would be OK.
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I really wish I could do foreign accents. I know some sign language. Does that cut it?
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That’s just as good.
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