If You Don’t Post This On Your Facebook Page It Means You Want Me To Die

Not counting Freshly Pressed, this is the post that gets the most views on this blog. It’s clear that the topic is one of grave concern for all, so I’m reposting as a public service.

You’re welcome.

You love me, you love me not.  You love me...

You love me, you love me not. You love me…

I have a friend who uses Facebook almost exclusively for emotional blackmail.

When I say “friend”, I mean in the new Facebook sense.  This is someone I barely remember from high school, and whose friend request I stupidly approved when I first signed up and didn’t know any better.

I used to think the most annoying thing about Facebook was the constant requests for boosters, billy goats, or some other cyber crap from those who spend their days playing Farmville or Candy Crush Saga.  Now I realize that the emotionally needy “friend” is much worse.

Almost every day, my friend’s status updates appear on my Home Page bearing a new friendship litmus test.  She posted all the following in just one month:

·         I need prayers so bad right now.!!!! Hope someone cares. If u are my friend click the like button & then re-post. If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand. May I ask my “Facebook Family” wherever u may be to kindly copy, paste and share this status for one hour to give a prayer of support to all those who have family problems, struggles and worries and just need to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us for no-one is immune. I hope to see this on the walls of all my friends just for moral support. I know some will!! I did it for a friend and you can too. Share some faith and love for those in need. Life works in strange ways.
·         I cried when you passed away. I still cry today. Although I loved you dearly, I couldn’t make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only takes the best.
Keep this rose going for anyone in heaven that you’ve loved and lost – but never forgot
Put this up as your status, most of you won’t – but respect to those that do…..to all our loved ones. Missing you especially during the holidays ahead.
·         I don’t need an angel on my Christmas tree , I already have one in Heaven looking down on me! . . . . Put this as your status if there is someone in heaven you wish could be with you this Christmas. ♥
·        I am not hot or gorgeous, I don’t have an amazing figure or a flat stomach. I’m far from being considered a model but I’m ME. I eat food, I have curves, I love my Pj’s, and I go without makeup. I’m random and crazy, I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I am who I am, you can love me or not (ask me if I care). I won’t change!! And if i love you, I do it with all my heart!! I make no apologies for the way I am. Ladies put this on your status if your proud of who you are…..HELL YEA
.        This is the eye test. Look for the LOWER case ‘L’ and you will be kissed tomorrow! LLLLLLLLLl LLLLLLL. Now look for the ‘N’. This is really hard. MMMMMMMMMMMMNMMMMMMM. Now find the mistake ABCDEFGHIJ KLNMOPQRSTUVWXYZ. Now wish for something you really want after the countdown! 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1, now close your eyes and make a wish *********. Now put this as your status and your wish will come true! you have 19 minutes. Or what you wished for will be the opposite
·         I personally believe in Jesus Christ. A man on face book has challenged all believers to put this on their wall. The Bible says, “If you deny Me in front of your peers, I will deny you in front of my Father”. This is a simple test. If you love God and you are not afraid to show it, re-post this. I proudly did. Will you?
·         Dear Santa, I don’t want much for Christmas, I just want the person reading this to be happy. Friends are the fruit cake of life — some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet, but mix them together and they’re my friends. At Christmas you always hear people talking about what they want & bought. This is what I want: I want people who are sick with no cure to be able to be cured. I want children with no families to be adopted. I want people to never have to worry about food, shelter & heat. I want peace and love for everyone! Now, let’s see how many people re-post this….I have a feeling I am gonna see almost no re-posts. PLEASE prove me wrong
·         Friendships are special… So lets start a friendship ring… If you are my friend, click the like button and then re-post… If I don’t see your name, I’ll understand
·         Many people have passed away early! – When we look at the sky, we LOVE the idea that they look back at us. We remember them often, at night, when we look at the stars … a date … a song … somewhere … a smell … A memory of those who left us ..ALWAYS LOVED, deeply missed ..Post this as your status if you have someone keeping an eye on you from above….I know I do!♥

“Hope someone cares”, “if you are my friend”, “let’s see who reposts this”, “most of you won’t post this” – do we notice a common theme here?  It’s emotional blackmail.  The message is clear: if you don’t do as I say, you don’t care about me.

I have nothing against status updates that ask for prayers or pass on inspiring messages.  These can be sweet, or can make me stop and think.  But how about if we agree to leave off the “pass it on or else” riders?

If everyone reading this blog would repost it to his or her WordPress or Facebook page, we could put an end to emotional blackmail on Facebook once and for all.  If you don’t repost, I’ll know you want me to come down with a bad case of toenail fungus.

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About pegoleg

R-A-M-B-L-I-N-G-S, Ram...Blin!
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91 Responses to If You Don’t Post This On Your Facebook Page It Means You Want Me To Die

  1. so true!! i hate the emotional blackmail of people i kind of, sort of know. i get enough of that from my real family.

  2. Emotional blackmail insults my intelligence. Enjoy your toenail fungus.

  3. I have unfriended people who do that. In fact, I’ve unfriended people for way less than that.

  4. Carrie Rubin says:

    This is one of the reasons I don’t use my personal FB page much. I only have a handful of ‘friends’ who are mostly family. I do most of my interacting on my public page. That way I don’t see emotional-blackmail updates from ‘friends’ I hardly know. Plus, it’s one less thing to keep up with which is probably the real reason I’m so absent there. ;)

    Guess I’ll be expecting to see toenail fungus any day now…

    • pegoleg says:

      Do you find a public page is useful, Carrie? I know lots of bloggers and authors use them to “meet the public”, but I’m too undisciplined. Once I get published, like you, I’ll be all about the Facebook and the book tours, just wait.

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        Honestly, I don’t know how much more FB offers me over my blog. Many of my FB interactions are with the same people I interact with on WordPress (which is a wonderful group!). But over time I’ve picked up some new connections over there. Still, I don’t find FB as useful as Twitter. I enjoy Twitter. Easy to catch up in a short amount of time.

  5. I’m reminded of the classic National Lampoon magazine cover (or was it a poster?) which made a similar threat. Unlike the National Lampoon, these Facebookers have no taste for humor, only attention, prayers and most of all, “likes”. That’s why I hate myself for wanting likes on my blog posts. I think this is a link to the National Lampoon cover: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WuiFCMd_KGk/TZFGqJu0MaI/AAAAAAAAFL8/As_Bo1HVgT8/s1600/we%2527ll+kill+this+dog.jpg

    • pegoleg says:

      Bwahahah! I remember that. Classic indeed, Dave.

      I know what you mean. Here I am all smug in my “I could care less about Facebook” tower, desperately seeking new readers and accolades here on the blog. Pitiful.

      • New readers aren’t all that valuable, compared to “likes”. Most of my new followers don’t appear to speak English or read blogs at all. As for my likes, I’m averaging about one like per seventy nine reads. Taken literally, you have to wonder why those people would go to the trouble of reading my posts without even liking it. My blog posts are the equivalent of cod liver oil.

        • pegoleg says:

          I almost NEVER hit the like button – that’s one stat I don’t even look at. Mainly because I almost always comment. Must add compulsive “like” counting to my daily to-do list.

        • A comment is equal to 7.35 likes. A comment thread is often better than the original post itself in my case, particularly if the thread involves certain people like you or k8edid.

  6. Jennifer says:

    These drive me nuts. I purposely ignore them. And if they take that as an ‘I don’t care’ then they can deal. If they cannot write something themselves, from their heart, then I don’t want to know. Not those kinds of posts anyway.

    • pegoleg says:

      Actually, I think that is the issue right there. They CANNOT write something themselves, so they only pass stuff on in an effort to make some kind of connection with other people.

  7. Oh yes, these drive me NUTS on facebook. I particularly hate the bit when they ask for it to be reposted and add “I think I know the ones who will” I always think “Who? The other saddos like you?!” It’s just so judgmental. Who do they think they are telling others what they need to do to express whether they care about something, huh?

  8. The Waiting says:

    I love this because it is so insanely true. My mom just joined Facebook and goes one step further and private messages me asking me to comment on and share her status updates so she knows I am reading them. Ugh, just stahhhhhhhp.

    • pegoleg says:

      Oh no, not the Mom! I think it’s hysterical that she private messages you to comment. You should post about that, unless she reads your blog, in which case, fuggedaboudit.

      • The Waiting says:

        She totally reads my blog which is why I was so antsy to tell on her in the comments of YOUR blog ;)

        • pegoleg says:

          Ha! I know just what you mean. My parents sometimes read my blog but I never know when so I have to keep it clean and avoid all but glowing posts about them on my own blog. Elsewhere, however….

          Expect me to show up at your place soon to complain about the ‘rents.

  9. To me, Facebook = needy. I don’t have a Facebook account. That doesn’t mean I’m not needy, it just means that I don’t know how to use social networking very well.

    I do have a blog, and I keep reminding people to ‘follow’ it. Is that the same thing?

  10. snoogiefisk says:

    Reblogged this on mostlytrueramblings and commented:
    I’m scared not to re-blog this. It may mean that I don’t love Jesus or handicapped children will all die.

  11. Elyse says:

    This is such a great post, Peg. And I do believe it is reason No. 457 for why I only put my face into paperbacks.

  12. cindy knoke says:

    Oh my!! Laughing. This is why I ignore facebook. It could be called ego-book. People change their photos every week……it’s like WOW you always look different! lol!

    • pegoleg says:

      Whereas I hate when people tag me or whatever it’s called and suddenly a super-close up of my red, double-chinned self is large and in-charge on my own page, without my prior knowledge or consent. And what are you supposed to do, take it down because you’re vain? Can’t win.

  13. Pleun says:

    I say unfriend them, it’s super easy ;-) Apparently unfollow does the same (not showing you any newsfeed from that person without having to unfriend them, which could be considered a little harsh haha). There used to be an option that you could choose what you wanted to see, but I can’t find that anymore. Bugger.
    Anyway, good luck on the toenail fungus ;-)

  14. It’s times like this that I’m glad I’m not on Facebook and not needy or dependent on public approval in general.

    If you can start a similar campaign to stop those emails about, snowflakes, dreams, wishes, guardian angels, kids dressed up a flowers, serendipity and true friends, I’d appreciate it.

    • pegoleg says:

      I don’t get many of those. I’d gladly trade you for the vituperous political rants that spam my inbox, either against the President or against anyone who is against him.

  15. Bring on the toenail fungus. It will be slightly more enjoyable than having “friends” like this! I never really knew how truly bizarre people could be until the invention of Facebook.

  16. List of X says:

    I don’t think she will ever understand.

  17. PinotNinja says:

    Hahaha! I will not let you blackmail me Peg! Well, at least not too much…

    I’ll totally send you some toenail fungus medication as an apology.

    • franhunne4u says:

      You beat me to it for the offer of medication …
      I am not on the book of faeces butt I think there are a lot of people so empty on there, they can be called holes.
      Not everyone! But all those Like or else-kind of people (who do not mean it ironical).
      My sister is on Facebook – and she does not share status updates like that even if she likes the idea behind. Of course we are all against cruelty against animals or children – we all wish everybody else well – but those who put up or share statusses like that do it for the likes, not for the good idea behind it. Why can’t they let the idea speak for itself?

  18. My toenails are fucking atrocious.

  19. gailgoodwin says:

    I’ve begun applying a zero tolerance for these type of posts on facebook. Emotional blackmail = dumped “friend.”

  20. Laura says:

    If you care at all about what I’m going through — if you’ve ever had to live with the horror of a broken fingernail, of the supermarket being out of your favorite flavor of ice cream, or of driving the entire two miles to Bed Bath and Beyond only to discover that you’d left your 20% off coupon at home — then please reply to this comment. 99% of people who read this will be too shallow and heartless to respond.

  21. Excellent post! Lol, i don’t do reposts and forwards out of principle, that’s too silly… Still, it’s a pity if this rose dies… (Kidding! ;))

  22. Phil Taylor says:

    I will reblog this on a day when I can’t think of anything new for my blog, so I care about you, but not as much as I care about me. I think that will become my standard FB reply. Good post. I wish I had thought of it!

  23. So glad you reposted this! I seem to remember another Freshly Pressed piece (from a while back) from one of your frequent commenters and likers, I think it was called “Push the Ignore Button.” Yep, when I see one of those updates, I just push the ignore button. You FPd folks provide a great public service.

  24. Ah, yes, classic. The title of this post gets me every time, probably one of your best. (by the way, can you send me some Candy Crush Money?)

    • pegoleg says:

      I had to look up Candy Crush to find out what people are looking for – I’ve never played it.
      Thanks for taking time out of your no doubt hysterical time with Jules and Rache. So jealous. WAAAA-a-a-a–a-a-a-a-a-!

      • I wish you were here too, Peg! But they haven’t arrived in Maine yet. They’re stranded in Mass with a flat tire and other car woes (blog posts about the ordeal to follow) Hopefully they’ll be here tonight at my place for dinner.

  25. The Cutter says:

    Ugh, I do hate the emotional Facebook blackmail. You know what, I’m not going to re-post that because it’s not my thing, and I’d get a million (Note: this is hyperbole) people asking me why I’m posting that instead of my usual tidbits about sports or my daughter’s fussy eating habits.

  26. I hate these–I have enough bad luck as it is and then they promise more–these people are bullies–bullies I say!

  27. Jeannie Rupp says:

    Impeccable timing,Peg! The next 2 posts on my page directly after yours are about “everlasting friends go for long periods w/o speaking” blah, blah, blah. Share if you have at least one of these friends. And “when you carry a bible, the devil gets a headache,….when you read it, he faints…..he will try to discourage you from sharing this. Share if you’re in God’s Army”. Decisions, decisions! Looking forward to your next “rambling”. Happy New Year! Jeannie

    • pegoleg says:

      I didn’t mean you, of course Jeannie! But I bet you can figure out who I’m talking about. ;) Thanks for stopping by over here, and happy New Year to you and your family.

  28. This stuff drives me crazy! I have several FB “friends” who do this, repeatedly. If a friend is in need of prayer I have no problem praying for them. A lovely sentiment is always appreciated but it is not necessary to deliver an ultimatum along with it. The ones you posted make the rounds a few times a year. I know where the “l”, the “N” and the switched “N & M” are blindfolded at this point. Did I mention this drives me crazy?

  29. Gah! I hate these. Even if the message really is decent, I won’t share it just because I’m tired of seeing them. I have to say, those “find the letter” ones are pretty tricky for someone who is borderline dyslexic like me.

    • pegoleg says:

      I don’t check FB except every couple of weeks because I’m afraid of being sucked into its merciless vortex of pointlessness. Or else I’m busy – one or the other.

  30. ravenclawsam says:

    I am reblogging this! Because I really care about you and wouldn’t want you to suffer from toenail fungus! :P

    Hehe… it is funny, really! :D

  31. amelie88 says:

    Back in the old days when people played Farmville! Do people still even play that anymore? I used to get so many requests to join to water crops and buy livestock. Now it’s Candy Crush… I’ll stick to my celebrity gossip, thanks.

    Oh and people and their emotionally blackmailing statuses… don’t people have dignity anymore? It depends on what the message is, but you can’t be constantly asking people to like your status to prove your friendship. That’s being narcissistic. Especially when you aren’t really friends in real life.

  32. Dana says:

    Ah, yes. It’s good to be reminded what a cold and heartless she-demon I am (in Facebook terms at least). Thanks so much for that cheery realization, Peg. ;)

    • pegoleg says:

      Who, you Dana? NEVER! I know you’re a kind, loving person and all you have to do to prove it is to post this picture of a sad eyed puppy on your status from 13:01 to 15:47 Moscow Central Time.

  33. Emotional blackmail – perfect description for FB. (Always a great post)

  34. LoveandCake says:

    My best gal pal and I have a mutual facebook friend who posts multiple of these status’s daily. Yet neither of us have the heart to take the girl off our facebooks!!!

  35. I always appreciate the “Click Like for Jesus, Scroll Past for Satan” posts.

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