I’m on vacation this week so I am resurrecting some old posts you may have missed. I’ll try to stop by to chat sometime, but I’m going to be really, really busy having fun, so don’t hold me to it.
I was talking to a casual acquaintance when she suddenly reached over and started plucking stray hairs off my coat. It seems the combination of blonde hairs on black cloth was too much to bear.
She said with a little laugh “Sorry – that really bugs me.” As if that justified her invading my personal space. I barely knew the woman!
If asked, I guess I would have said that grooming strangers was out of bounds unless you happened to belong to a monkey troupe.
Apparently the rules of social intercourse have changed on this subject, and I simply wasn’t aware of it. This opens up all sorts of possibilities. There are a lot of people whose grooming and general appearance bothers me, and I would love to help each and every one of them.
- The man with Starfish Butt Syndrome. “I’ll give the back of these chinos a good, firm yank and we’ll both feel much more comfortable.”
- The woman at church who has worn the same beehive hairstyle since the Carter administration. “We’ll just brush that out so you won’t have to duck when going through doorways. And just think what such a drastic reduction in hairspray fluorocarbons will mean to the environment!”
- The boy with his pants down around his thighs. “Oh you poor young man! I felt sure you would want someone to tell you your boxers are showing. Good thing I just happen to have this length of rope you can use to hoist them up. Next time, wear a belt.”
He’s usually hanging out with…
- The girl whose pants are so low-slung the top of her thong (and a goodly slice of skin) is showing. “Oh you poor young woman! You didn’t realize these pants had shrunk in the wash and your underwear is showing! Let me just wrap this scarf around you. Next time, use cold water.”
- The older man wearing black dress shoes and socks with shorts. “Forgot your tennies? I just happen to have a spare pair, and some nice white socks –we’ll get you fixed up in a jiff. Hold still, now – stop fighting me!”
- The woman with lipstick on her front tooth “Passion Flower is definitely your color, but on the lips, not the teeth, ha ha! I’ll get that for you. (Holds woman’s jaw firmly, spits on napkin and wipes vigorously at offending tooth)”
These are just a few of the ways I can help my fellow man with his or her grooming. I’m sure you can think of many more.
If unsure as to whether or not intervention is appropriate, just ask yourself this: “How will it make ME feel?” Let your answer be your guide.